


Hey, weren't you in that band?

by tattooed_lies



Category: Mötley Crüe
Genre: Age Difference, Anal Sex, Angst, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:54:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24879544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tattooed_lies/pseuds/tattooed_lies
Summary: It’s 1980 (-something). Nikki’s a bar owner in his 40s, who’s left most of his rowdy days behind him. There’s this kid who keeps coming into the bar though, and he’s everything Nikki used to be (and plenty slutty).
Relationships: Nikki Sixx/Vince Neil
Comments: 64
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

There’s the kid again. He’s gonna get Nikki in trouble. Nikki catches his eye and makes a ‘come here’ gesture with his index finger, throwing the dish towel over his shoulder with his other hand.

The kid comes up to him, looking coy, and leans both elbows on the bar. “Hi Nikki,” he says, and it’s kind of flirty, but probably not serious.

“You need to leave. I told you before,” Nikki says, as he pours a tap beer for another customer.

“Aw, come on. My fake ID is pretty good? Can’t you just pretend…”

Nikki sighs, puts the beer on the bar and exchanges money with the other guy. The kid waits, resting his chin in his palm as he keeps looking at Nikki.

Nikki sets his hands on the bar and looks him over. The kid’s put a lot of effort in his looks, his hair almost white and teased up high, his clothes - leather pants and an altered sleeveless shirt - fitting snugly. He’s wearing eyeliner and studded jewellery. He’s dressed to impress; and it looks rather pretty.

“How old are you. Don’t lie to me,” Nikki says.

“19. Almost 20.” While his one hand supports his head, the other slides across the bar towards Nikki’s hand. He taps Nikki’s fingers with his own.

Nikki ignores it and looks over at the booth the kid came from. There’s three girls there, they look slightly older. He chews his lip. “Fine. But you cause any trouble, I’ll kick your ass.”

The kid smiles widely and stands straight, puts his hand over his heart. “I’ll be a good boy,” he promises.

“Vince! Come back here,” one of the girls calls, and soon the others join in. Nikki raises an eyebrow. The kid’s got his own fanclub. 

Vince turns and goes back to the booth, diving in between the girls. He’s got one under each arm, while the third one comes up to the bar to order drinks. Nikki asks her for an ID; she’s 23.

“Do you know Vince?” she asks, while Nikki gets her order.

“I know he shouldn’t be in here.” Nikki gives her a sideways glance.

“But it’s _Vince_. He’s Rock Candy’s singer!”

“What now?”

“They were in the Starwood last week!”

“Okay.” Nikki looks at Vince. His tongue is down one girl’s throat and she’s got her arm around his neck, while the other girl is moving her hand down his torso. He’s tilting up into her touch and Nikki can’t hear it, but he’s pretty sure Vince is moaning. That boy is completely uninhibited. And he shouldn’t be so appealing.

“If you’re gonna stay here, get him to settle down,” Nikki says as he puts the drinks on the bar and gets her change.

“You don’t know what you’re asking,” the girl chuckles.

Nikki watches her return to the booth and crosses his arms.

Chris, his employee who’s also tending bar tonight, walks past him. “Careful…” he sing-songs and grins.

Nikki waves him away. And immediately looks back at the booth. He’ll have to keep an eye on them. You know, because he’s got this place to think about.

~

“Dude, _what_ are you looking at.” Tommy sits down at the bar.

Nikki gets him a beer. “Nothing. What are you doing here if you’re not working?”

“Fleeing the missus.” Tommy takes a big swig, then sets the bottle down and rubs his thumb over his forehead. He looks tired. Maybe they both look tired.

Nikki empties the ashtray when he sees Tommy light up a cigarette, and then sets it back down in front of him. He looks back at Vince. Fuck, that kid is pretty. Not just his looks, but how he’s all-in with the girls, just giving himself over to it fully. And that is definitely a handjob in progress over there; it’s relatively hidden, but Nikki should really put a stop to it.

Tommy looks in the direction he sees Nikki looking in. “Is that a boy?”

“Apparently he’s a singer.”

“Is he even 18?” Tommy inclines his head, watching Vince and the girls kissing and petting.

“He’s ‘ _almost 20_ ’,” Nikki chuckles.

“Damn… Remember those days,” Tommy grins.

“It’s blurry.” Nikki opens a beer bottle and takes a drink himself.

“Put their next round on my tab,” Tommy says, enjoying the display.

“You don’t have a tab,” Nikki says, rolling his eyes. Tommy and his free drinks are gonna kill their business one day.

A girl scoots out of the booth and Vince goes next. She pulls him with her by his shirt collar as they head to the bathrooms. The other two girls sit together, one has her head on the other’s shoulder and the other leans her head on top of it. You really can’t fit more than two people in one bathroom, Nikki knows. They must have drawn straws or something. He should stop it. But he just doesn’t want to spoil the kid’s fun.

“Aw… look at those two babes, left all alone…” Tommy says, grinning.

“Go home to your wife and kids.” Nikki throws his towel in Tommy’s face.

Tommy groans and gulps down the last of his beer. “Fine.”

~

Last call was 20 minutes ago; most people are already on their way out. Chris is going around collecting glasses and wiping tables.

The girls are trying to get Vince to come with them, they’re pulling on his arms and cooing at him, but he’s laughing and shaking his head. Nikki wonders why. When they leave, Vince goes to the bathroom again.

Nikki busies himself with the cash register and getting everything in order, while Chris gives the floor a cursory sweep.

“You mind if I go?” Chris asks when he’s done. His wife’s nearing the end of her pregnancy, Nikki knows he's eager to get home.

“Sure, I can handle it from here,” Nikki nods. “Good night.”

“Night.” Chris waves, puts on his jacket, and leaves.

Vince comes back out of the bathroom and leans on the bar, just looks at Nikki working.

“What’s my bathroom gonna look like,” Nikki says without looking up.

“A little slippery,” Vince says, grinning cockily.

Nikki gives him a look.

“I’m kidding,” Vince laughs. He has a great laugh, it makes Nikki smile. 

There’s no one left but them, but Nikki doesn’t mind Vince’s company. He’s not sure what the kid wants with him - always flirting like he means it; but that’s _not_ gonna happen.

“Do you work every night?” Vince asks, leaning in more, getting a better look at what Nikki’s doing.

“No, I don’t work every night.” Nikki comes from behind the bar and starts turning over chairs and putting them on the tables. When he passes the door, he turns the latch and sets the sign to ‘closed’, as he always does when he starts to clean.

Vince helps him with the chairs. “Do you need someone to help out? I can bartend. Or, whatever.”

Ah. He wants a job. “Sorry, kid. I can’t use you.”

“Well,” Vince snorts. “You _could_.”

Nikki looks at him. Vince is smiling widely, and he bites his lower lip.

“You shouldn’t do that,” Nikki says as he continues his work.

“Do what?” Vince says, looking at him coyly.

“You don’t know me,” Nikki sighs. He goes to the back room and sets a bucket in the sink, fills it with water and a cleaning product.

“I know enough. I’ve seen you in the clubs before.” Vince follows him into the small room.

“Oh, have you,” Nikki says, noticing how he’s being crowded. “If you’re gonna stick around, go clean the bathrooms.” He smirks, as he pushes the clorox, a cloth and a pair of gloves in Vince’s hands. He takes the bucket and a mop and starts to make his way past Vince out of the room.

The corners of Vince’s mouth turn down. But then he puts the gloves on.

Nikki’s quietly pleased. He mops the floor of the bar while Vince goes off into the bathrooms. When Nikki’s done, Vince comes to get the bucket and mop to do the bathroom floor.

Nikki sits down in one of the booths in the back, with a beer and his notebook. Shortly after, Vince joins him. Nikki can feel Vince’s puppy eyes on him, but he gets his notes down first and makes him wait. The seat is practically vibrating with the kid’s energy - he’s almost squirming - and though it’s pretty clear to Nikki what Vince wants, he really doesn’t know yet what he’s going to do with it.

Soon enough, Vince starts blabbering. “I have your record. I play it all the time. I wish I could have seen you guys play. I wish you had recorded more albums. Do you have more tapes? Do you still play? Do you still write? I wish I could be in a band as cool as yours was. You looked so hot in the photos I’ve seen, with those knee-high boots. They have some up on the wall, in the club. Why don’t you have any in here? That would be awesome. I bet you could even sell your stuff -“

“Hey,” Nikki interrupts him, putting his hand flat on the table.

Vince looks at him, intently.

“What do you want?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Vince grins and moves his hand to Nikki’s leg.

Nikki looks at the hand, high on his thigh. Of course it is. “You’re a groupie,” he concludes.

Vince shakes his head. Then thinks. “Well. I do think you’re super hot. Then _and_ now.” He inches closer, moving carefully.

Nikki grabs Vince’s wrist, tightly, before the hand progresses upwards. Vince hums and bites his lip again.

Fuck. Nikki’s not made of stone.

Nikki’s other hand reaches up to cup Vince’s jaw. His thumb teases Vince’s lip free and rubs over it. His mind goes somewhere he didn’t intend, as Vince parts his lips slightly and his tongue licks at Nikki’s finger - little kitten licks tickling him, that make Nikki leave his thumb where it is as he looks at Vince’s mouth.

One moment he’s thinking about how plump Vince’s lips are and how they would feel against his, and the next, he’s kissing him. He’s a little startled by himself, but Vince isn’t; he’s enthusiastically kissing Nikki, licking into his mouth and making happy noises. Nikki grips Vince’s jaw tighter and Vince’s mouth slackens, opens wider and he moans. God, it’s hot.

Nikki’s other hand lets go of Vince’s wrist and it immediately moves up to open the button on Nikki’s pants. Nikki can’t really find the will to stop it. He scoots a little and leans back, so Vince can open his pants wider, and then Vince palms his cock, squeezes.

“Fuck,” Nikki gasps, and then Vince bends over and seals his lips over the head. He starts licking around it, sucking lightly, lapping his tongue at the tip while his hand works the shaft. Nikki puts his hand on the back of Vince’s head - not putting any pressure on it - and looks. Vince’s head moves down, and up, and down, eager, tongue undulating. Nikki breathes deep - it’s been awhile, and Vince is _so_ into it, it’s a little overwhelming. Nikki wants to close his eyes, but he wants to watch, more.

Vince moves down further, takes nearly all of him for a split second, and then he chokes. He lifts off and coughs. Nikki smiles and cups Vince’s cheek with his free hand, wipes Vince’s mouth with his thumb. Vince looks at him with watery eyes and smiles back at him. Then he goes back down and tries to do it again.

“Easy.” Nikki tugs his hair, controlling his movement, making sure he doesn’t go too far.

Vince moans, the vibration a lovely addition to the suction he’s already providing on Nikki’s cock. Vince sticks to using his hand to stroke the part of the shaft he can’t cover with his mouth. His other hand squeezes Nikki’s leg, using it as leverage as he bobs his head up and down.

Nikki does close his eyes then, has to stop watching; fuck, it feels good - it _sounds_ good, sloppy, loud and sprinkled with lovely noises coming from Vince’s throat.

Then Vince pulls off. Nikki opens his eyes and finds Vince looking at him, flushed and turned on. _Hot_.

“I want you to fuck me,” he says.

No, no, no. Nikki shakes his head.

Vince nods, vehemently. “I prepared.”

Are you fucking kidding. “Have you done this before?”

“No. I mean, not _for real_.” Vince gets up and out of the booth. He takes off his boots and pants, completely unfazed, and fists his cock.

Nikki’s mouth waters, that boy is just pretty all over. Vince bats his eyes and then leans over the table. Nikki swallows. There’s a plug inside him. Nikki scoots to the edge of the seat, and moves his hand up Vince’s thigh, over to Vince’s ass cheek, squeezes, goes up to the small of his back and down the other side. And then back. He needs a second to think, but he can’t stop himself touching. Vince trembles, waiting.

Nikki gets up and stands behind Vince. He puts his hands on Vince’s ass and sets his thumbs on the base of the plug, putting a little pressure on it, pushing, testing. Vince moans and squirms, though not _away_ from, but _into_ the touch.

“Damn,” Nikki groans, and he’s hard as nails - he wants to just go ahead and ram into Vince. But he also wants to see Vince squirm some more, release more beautiful sounds.

He takes hold of the plug and moves it, first shifting it out and in and then angling it, testing Vince’s tightness. He’s fascinated watching it move, and the way flesh hugs around it, lube spilling over; but even more, he’s loving the noises he extracts from Vince, as he pants and grabs the sides of the table. He’s not asking Nikki for anything - not to hurry up, not to stop, not to fuck him already. He's just enjoying it, and it’s incredible to watch.

Nikki puts his palm on Vince’s lower back and slowly takes out the plug, dropping it on the booth seat. Vince whimpers, pushing out his ass. Nikki gathers some of the spilled lube and teases Vince’s rim with his finger, watches as the muscle flutters.

“Uhh,” Vince gasps and twitches. His hand flexes, lets go of the table for an instant, but he changes his mind, and leaves it.

Interesting.

Nikki moves his finger inside, a second joins almost right away, and he moves them in and out, curves them, watching and listening for Vince’s reactions. Which at this point are just all over the place, he’s humming, and twitching, and panting - he’s pretty much ready. Nikki adds a third finger and works them in a little longer, just to enjoy this moment.

He leans down and picks up Vince’s pants, throws them on the table next to him and fishes around in the pocket - there is a condom in there. Nikki takes it out and tears the packet with his teeth, then he takes his fingers out of Vince to steady himself to put it on. 

Vince is quiet now, panting, but completely still otherwise. Maybe he’s a little nervous.

“Turn around,” Nikki says, and his voice is soft and kind, but it’s not a suggestion.

Vince turns over, dick hard against his belly, and he grabs hold of the sides of the table again. He looks at Nikki, who raises Vince’s legs, gets Vince’s heels over his shoulders. He spits in his hand and slicks his cock, then holds it at the root and makes sure - he searches Vince’s eyes for any doubt.

“Please,” Vince says, and licks his upper lip.

Nikki pushes in, slowly but consistently, jaw clenched, holding on to Vince’s legs - god, it’s tight and hot and slick, and he needs a moment. Maybe Vince does too, he’s panting and his grip on the table looks really tight. Nikki kneads Vince’s thighs and looks at him, waits for his features to relax.

Then Vince starts mewling and he squeezes around Nikki. Fuck it. Nikki moves, sets a steady rhythm and his hand travels up, raising Vince’s shirt to see more of his skin. Vince's mouth falls open and his eyes are closed. He kind of reminds Nikki of an angel, with his white hair fanned out around his head, his arms spread like wings, his beautiful face… okay, even the noises that he makes are gorgeous and it is a _miracle_ that Nikki’s managed to shut him up, or at least made him unable to form words. Nikki wonders if he was like this with the girls - so pliant, almost submissive… Did one of them put the plug in him?

Nikki realizes his thrusts are faster, harder, into that delicious tight heat, but who can blame him, and Vince doesn’t seem to mind - he’s tilting his hips into it. Nikki scratches his nails over Vince’s belly, and watches the stripes appear. It just makes Vince moan more. He hasn’t touched himself, though his cock is flushed dark and leaking. Nikki decides to help and takes hold of it. Vince’s mouth opens wider, forms into an O-shape and his eyebrows wrinkle into a frown, as Nikki starts stroking him.

Vince punches out sweet little sounds as Nikki’s hips speed up their movement. His hand moves faster too, a tight fist around Vince, who’s barely hanging on now. Nikki watches him closely, as Vince’s head moves from side to side, then his head stills and his frown deepens and he moans as he shoots over his chest and stomach. Nikki works him through it, but also clutches Vince's hip roughly as he chases his own orgasm; Vince gives a few weak whimpers, but is mostly lying lax and looking happy. And it does Nikki in.

~

Nikki’s sitting down and has his eyes closed for a few seconds. Vince sits next to him, having just wiped himself clean with his shirt, which is now on the floor, and he’s put his pants back on. He leans his head against Nikki’s shoulder.

“That was _awesome_ ,” Vince says, his fingers playing over Nikki’s chest and tugging at his shirt. “When can we do it again?”

Nikki chuckles. “We’re not,” he says, but he’s not even kidding himself.

Vince doesn’t even seem to hear the rejection. “You should come and see my band play sometime. We do one of your songs too. I mean, we try. Maybe you could write some songs for us. The band just wants to do covers, but I think it would be so cool if we’d have some original stuff too…”

Oh god, here we go again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a little more of this...

It’s like bringing home a stray. Well, _another_ stray, he’s already got his cat, a shaggy tabby - Nikki calls him Gus - that had kept wandering around in front of his building, and that lives with him now. Gus kind of adopted Nikki, allows Nikki to feed him and pet him. But Gus doesn’t follow Nikki around all over the place, like, when he’s _not_ at home. That would be more a _puppy’s_ actions. Nikki also has one of those. He’s called Vince.

Although they’re not _together_ and Vince doesn’t live with him. Nikki sees him about every other day, either at work at the bar, or at his apartment - ever since he brought him home that one time. That one time that he got so horny that a table fuck wasn’t enough anymore. Nikki’d just wanted to play with Vince for hours, to see what kinds of reactions he could get out of him and how pretty they would be, how _delicious_ it would be to have all of him _and_ the comfort of his bed. It had been worth it, even if it means that Vince now randomly appears at his home as well, and not always at times when Nikki’s in the mood for company.

Granted, Vince keeps himself fairly well entertained when Nikki makes it clear he has no time or interest. And watching Vince entertain himself usually _gets_ Nikki interested. Right now he’s lying on his back on the plush rug on Nikki’s floor, in front of the record player. He’s holding the album cover of Aerosmith’s _Toys in the Attic_ over his head and studies it, while hum-singing along to _Round and Round_. One knee is raised and he’s tapping his foot. He mimics the guitar too, with his voice, and his hips come up from the floor to accentuate the melody.

Nikki can’t suppress a smile. He’s on the couch, reading; but the book is just a prop at this point. Vince isn’t even looking at him, hasn’t noticed that he’s got Nikki’s attention. He’s far away, probably imagining himself as Steven Tyler. But Nikki keeps watching Vince, as he's writhing around. Completely oblivious, it seems, as to how he looks.

Gus, usually somewhat picky about whom he likes, appears to have adopted Vince as well. He keeps bumping his head against Vince’s hand and swooshing his tail in Vince’s face. Vince chuckles and pets him, tries to get him to lie down beside him. But Gus only stays down for a couple of seconds before he requires more intense petting. He bumps himself into Vince’s head and drops down against Vince as he does so. He presses his nose into Vince’s hair and starts to lick it, the spiky tongue catching on tangled hair. Vince laughs.

This laugh is a problem for Nikki’s self-restraint; it’s so open and joyful, every time he hears it he just wants to fling himself at Vince, like _he’s_ the puppy. But he manages to hold himself back.

Vince nudges the cat and sits up on his knees to look through the shelf with albums again. Nikki gets up and goes into the kitchen to get a few beers. Gus comes after him - of course. Nikki looks at him as he takes the caps off the beer bottles. Gus meows at him.

“You’re cheating on me. And you expect a reward?” Nikki mumbles back.

Gus brushes up against his legs and purrs. Nikki opens the cupboard and gives him a treat.

He comes back into the living room just as Vince puts on another record - _Zeppelin II_. Vince takes the beer Nikki holds out and leans against Nikki’s leg. Nikki puts his hand on Vince’s head, working his fingers in Vince’s hair. Vince nuzzles Nikki’s thigh. For a moment, Vince behaves like a cat too, moving his head against Nikki’s leg and humming. His head inches towards Nikki’s dick, slowly, but obviously.

Nikki grabs Vince’s hair a little tighter. “Uh uh,” he says, shaking his head.

Vince looks up, without losing contact. He gives Nikki the puppy eyes that Nikki’s seen often, though he’s not immune yet. Vince puts down the bottle and moves in closer, catching Nikki’s leg between his own legs. Vince rubs against him slowly, eyes still locked with his. It’s unbelievable - well, maybe not, he’s a 20-year-old kid after all - how Vince is always hard two seconds after Nikki gives him any attention. Or, _doesn’t_ give him any attention, really. 

Vince is gyrating to the beat of _Whole Lotta Love_. Nikki loosens his grip on Vince’s hair and Vince hugs Nikki’s leg with one arm and nuzzles in again. Nikki looks, enjoys the visuals and the sensations; the way Vince’s hips move, how his warm breath feels against the fabric over his cock. He keeps getting surprised by how much of an effect Vince has on him, mesmerizes him, when he thought he couldn’t be this easily affected anymore. And let’s face it, he’s pretty much given in now, to what comes next.

“Can I stay?” Vince asks, while his fingers move to Nikki’s belt.

Nikki sighs. “Sure.” _There, that sounded aloof enough_.

~

Another day, another drop by. Nikki lets Vince in and returns to the kitchen. Vince follows.

“You hungry? It’s nothing fancy, but… There’s enough.” Nikki stirs the pasta sauce.

Vince scoots onto the kitchen counter and looks into the pot. “Yeah. Smells great.”

Nikki takes the wooden spoon out of the pot, cups one hand under it, and blows softly, bringing it to Vince’s mouth.

Vince’s lips go around the tip of the spoon and he tastes. “Hmm, that’s good,” he nods.

“Yeah?” Nikki smiles.

Vince looks at the pot like he’s starved. Nikki takes two plates from the cupboard, heaps them with spaghetti and adds plenty sauce - an extra ladle full for Vince, who’s licking his lips.

Nikki takes the plates and cutlery and sets them down on the kitchen bar. “Eat up.”

Vince eagerly jumps down and takes a seat on a bar stool, then twirls his fork in the spaghetti on his plate. Nikki gets two glasses of water and puts them next to the plates before sitting down too.

“This is amazing,” Vince says, mouth full.

Nikki chuckles. “It's just spaghetti.” He puts a fork with pasta wrapped around it in his mouth; it’s nice, but nothing special. Though the way Vince eats it warms his chest - not because Vince likes his cooking, it’s how he looks while enjoying it, eyes closed as he chews and moans softly. It’s so easy to make Vince content and it’s so wonderful to see. It makes Nikki want to do it more often.

 _Huh_.

“Dude, you should sell that sauce.” Vince sucks in a strand of pasta and takes a sip of water.

Nikki continues eating but keeps looking at Vince, who either doesn’t notice, or doesn’t mind. “How was your day?” he asks, in between mouthfuls.

Vince swallows his food and looks back at Nikki, raising an eyebrow.

Yeah, it does feel kind of weird to Nikki too. But it’s what you do when you have dinner, don’t you? You talk about your day.

Vince shrugs. “Okay. How was yours?”

“Okay…” Nikki nods. He pokes at his food. He feels a little awkward.

Maybe Vince notices. “I was at the bar the other night, and your friend Tommy started talking to me. I think he wanted to know about a girl I was with, but I didn’t really know that much about her. He told me about when you guys were playing shows, how insane they were. That you used to light yourself on fire? God, I wish I could have seen it.” He puts his mouth around another fork of pasta, but keeps talking while he eats. “I keep telling the guys we need to do more stuff on stage, but they don’t want to do it. They don’t realize it, man, the _show_ is just as important as the music, you _have to_ stand out.”

Nikki hasn’t seen his band. But he can imagine there’s a lot of stage presence coming from Vince. Just going by all the girls he brings to the bar, who drape themselves over him. Or, how appealing he looks, simply lying on Nikki’s rug, cuddling with his cat. How unselfconscious he is, how open, and how he lets himself be watched.

“You mentioned you just play covers,” Nikki says.

“Yeah,” Vince sighs, looking very solemn. “That’s also a problem.”

Nikki chuckles.

~

Mick comes over. He and Nikki are talking, drinking. Mick’s eyes keep darting over to Vince, who is once again entertaining himself with Nikki’s record collection. He’s not involving himself in their conversation, or trying to get Nikki’s attention. Mick looks like he wants to ask - who he is, what this is - but he doesn’t.

Mick’s always in between bands. He’s the only one of them still playing, for a living, but it's taken its toll. He has stories on just about all the musicians over 30 in this town, and he hates most of them for being ‘a bunch of whiny bitches’ who don’t know how to do the work. These days he does mostly session stuff, for a more steady income, to pay his alimony and child support duties. Right now he’s complaining about the artist he’s playing for - Nikki hasn’t heard of the guy, but he’s not as knowledgable as he used to be.

He looks over at Vince, lying on his back, moving a little to the beat, a strip of tanned skin showing where his shirt rides up. Does he _really_ not notice that Nikki’s looking, or is he doing it on purpose? It does _seem_ like Vince is just preoccupied with his own thing. And that’s even more attractive.

“…The guy is a diva. We could have recorded it in a day and instead we’ve been there for two weeks. I mean, I get paid, so it’s great, but… he’s not _that_ famous that he’ll get away with it for long.” Mick chuckles.

Nikki hasn’t been listening very closely. He absolutely hates when people do that, and he’s annoyed with himself that he’s not paying attention. But he’s just a little distracted.

Vince gets up and goes to the bathroom.

“I’m sorry,” Nikki says to Mick.

Mick looks at him.

“He’s just a kid that comes by. I met him at the bar, he was kind of a fanboy,” Nikki shrugs and takes a swig of beer.

Mick nods slightly, but his look doesn’t channel approval.

Nikki waits a beat, wondering if Mick will speak now. But he doesn’t.

“I mean, I don’t encourage him. He just shows up, I let him in.” Nikki’s feels defensive, for some reason. “You should see him when he’s in the bar, he has his own groupies.”

Mick scratches his cheek. He seems to be gearing up for something.

Nikki frowns. “You wanna say what’s on your mind?”

Mick leans forward and sets down his beer. Just before Vince comes back into the room, he speaks.

“You realize he’s homeless, right?”


	3. Chapter 3

_‘You realize he’s homeless, right?’_

After Mick goes, Nikki is left befuddled and wondering. He looks at Vince, lying on his back with Gus on his chest. Nikki wants to crawl over there. Nuzzle that strip of skin that has taunted him all night. Open Vince’s pants and suck down his cock, cause him to make those wonderful mewling sounds that drive Nikki crazy.

But. What if what Mick said is true. Maybe Vince is just here to have a place to sleep. And sex is what he trades for it. All his actions, reactions, noises, they’re just ways to keep Nikki hooked. What does he really know about this kid, other than what Vince wants him to see? Is all this groupie ego stroking just a tactic?

He drinks down the rest of his beer. Mick wouldn’t have said it if he hadn’t been fairly sure. He has experience, volunteering at a shelter regularly, after having been introduced to it by a - now - ex-girlfriend. He’s told Nikki about it, how you wouldn’t be able to tell with some of the kids, that they manage well on their wits and hardly ever come to the shelter. They only get noticed by anyone when they get in trouble for stealing or hustling.

Vince hasn’t asked for anything - not him, at least. But now that the thought is in Nikki’s head, he can’t deny that it’s probably true. And that means that _this_ , whatever it is, is a lie.

“What are you thinking?” Vince is looking at him, and frowning.

He should just ask Vince. “I’m thinking I’m tired of hearing this record.” Maybe he’ll ask later.

“Aww…” Vince gives Gus a nudge. Gus makes an indignant sound, but strolls off. Vince gets on his hands and knees and makes his way to Nikki. He puts his chin on Nikki’s knee. “Let me make it up to you. How about… I ride your beautiful cock?” His hand moves up Nikki’s thigh.

Nikki grabs Vince’s wrist, halting it. He feels slightly nauseated. He thinks of the things they’ve done and what motivation may have been behind it, and he feels sick. Vince mistakes it for a show of dominance, though. He moans and rubs his cheek against Nikki’s leg. But Nikki sees him from another perspective now, and tries to be more observant. Is he performing?

“Stop,” he says.

Vince raises his head. His look turns worried at Nikki’s expression, and he pulls back. “What’s wrong?”

Nikki hates that look; Vince looks like he’s wondering where he fucked up. He looks scared.

Nikki sighs. “I’m just tired.” He’s not even lying.

Vince nods. “Do you want me to just go?” His voice is soft.

“I don’t want you to go.” Nikki looks at him, studies his face, watching for a sign of relief - that he can still spend the night - but it’s not there. “It’s been a long day, I just want to go to sleep.”

Vince sits on his heels, biting his lip, a little agitated. His mind must be racing, Nikki’s hasn’t seen him this way before. He feels horrible for causing it.

“You realize I’m _not_ 20 years old,” Nikki tries, and adds a chuckle, to convince Vince it’s not a big deal.

Vince smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“We could talk. We don’t really know that much about each other. Well...” It dawns on Nikki that Vince maybe does know a thing or two about him - his past, what he does for work, where he lives. “ _I_ don’t know a lot about _you_ , at least.”

Vince observes Nikki too. “I didn’t think we had that kind of a relationship.”

Nikki wants to grab Vince, pull him onto his lap, kiss him until he’s breathless. But the point here is, to find out what _Vince_ really wants. Or maybe just _needs_ , as the case may be. So he holds back and thinks on how to proceed.

“Are you done with me?” Vince asks, suddenly.

Nikki’s eyebrows shoot up, caught off guard. “What?”

Vince’s jaw is clenched; he’s tense.

Nikki doesn’t understand what this is, what has got him so upset. And he’s not sure what to do. He has to take several things into consideration: his suspicions and beliefs about why Vince may feel the need to do some of the things he does, but also his desire not to scare Vince off - he can’t think he’s not welcome here.

Vince isn’t moving yet, at least, so Nikki leans forward, experimentally. Vince stays still, though it’s more a deer-in-headlights kind of still. 

“I’m tired and I want to go to bed.” He allows himself to brush his hand through Vince’s hair. Vince closes his eyes. “Do you want to join me?”

Vince nods.

~

So Vince _is_ lying in Nikki’s bed. With his back to Nikki and room enough for another person between them. It seems he feels more awkward now than when Nikki has him bent nearly in half. Maybe this is new territory for him, maybe he doesn’t know how he’s expected to act.

Nikki scoots closer and wraps an arm around Vince’s waist. Immediately, Vince moves back until he’s snug against Nikki. Nikki smiles. He almost expects Vince to try to make a move, but he doesn’t. It reinforces his idea that he made the right decision.

He’s dead tired, but he can’t sleep. What does it mean, if it's really true? Should he say something? Offer something? Is that even okay, or should he pretend nothing’s different? Honestly, Vince won’t believe that, going by how tonight went.

For a long while, Vince stays awake too, Nikki can tell - his breathing is too quick, too shallow. But eventually, Vince’s breathing slows and deepens. It’s only then that Nikki slowly brushes his thumb over Vince’s belly, an expression of his affection that he doesn’t want to hold back. Thinking about all the things he _doesn’t_ know about Vince, things that mean Vince’s life is actually probably a lot more complicated than what Nikki had given him credit for, _has_ elevated his attraction, adding a massive dose of sympathy, for one. It’s too much to say he wants to _protect_ Vince, because, that would be a serious breach of boundaries. But Nikki knows what it’s like to be alone in the world, to have to fend for yourself, to have to watch out for everyone.

In the span of the last few hours, he’s thought more about Vince, as a person, than in all the time they’ve had together before it. Why hasn’t this come up? Nikki hasn’t asked and Vince hasn’t volunteered. But that makes sense - why would Vince share something that makes him so vulnerable. Or, that could make Nikki suspect Vince is just hustling him… which Nikki still hopes he isn’t. And Nikki - he’s just been playing it cool. Partly because he’s not that quick to lose himself anymore, with all the scars he’s collected over the years; partly because he hadn’t expected this to become a regular thing, and has kept his mind set on just enjoying it while it’s here. Which means he hadn’t really wanted to know, maybe, about the rest of Vince’s life, for fear of getting too involved. But maybe he’s already passed that stage.

Vince turns around in his sleep and nestles against Nikki, one arm bent against Nikki’s chest and his fist tucked under his own chin, his other arm going around Nikki. God, but this is still the guy that fascinates him too in his openness, his unguardedness - in other areas. The only moment that he closed himself off completely, was when Nikki rejected him. How is that possible, given his dire circumstances? And what is Nikki supposed to do now?

Nikki wraps his arm around Vince again and kisses the top of his head. It’s gonna be a long night.

~

Nikki is still the first to get up. He’s slept a few hours, at the most, but he just couldn’t stay in bed any longer, he needed to do something. He’s in the kitchen making bacon and eggs when Vince appears, not in the boxers Nikki lent him to sleep in, but fully dressed, apart from his sneakers. He looks groggy as he sits down at the bar.

“Good morning,” Nikki says with a smile. “You want some breakfast?” He divides the contents of the skillet onto two plates. He feels Vince’s eyes on him, but he pretends not to notice. He puts the plates on the bar, setting one in front of Vince.

“Did you sleep?” Vince asks, picking up a strip of bacon and biting into it.

 _Damn_. Nikki sits down opposite Vince, bringing two mugs of coffee. “Of course. How about you, did you sleep okay?”

Vince shrugs. “Sure.”

Nikki thinks Vince is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. And Nikki is dying to ask things, but he’s also terrified, of making a bad move, the _wrong_ move, that sends Vince running. But he has to say _something_.

“What are you doing today?” It seems a fairly innocuous question.

Vince looks at him while eating his eggs. This must be the look dads get from teenage sons. Upon hearing the phrase ‘ _Are you going to do something useful today, or are you just going to slack off…_ ’. That’s an unpleasant thought.

Vince shrugs again. “I don’t know. I’ll visit a buddy. Go to the beach.”

It _could_ be true. “That sounds like fun.” _Geez, okay, MOM_. Nikki feels like an idiot.

“Yeah,” Vince says.

He’s so unlike the guy Nikki has gotten used to, now. He’s guarded, skeptical, distant. It’s heartbreaking. Nikki has to do something, but he’s at a loss.

“I could give you a ride home, if you want.” It’s out before Nikki realizes it. His brain panics and he tries to think of something to add, maybe something like ‘ _or wherever_ ’; but then he doesn’t. He presses his lips together and waits.

Vince puts down his fork and picks up his mug. “I can take care of myself,” he says. He makes it a point to look at Nikki, to make sure his message comes across.

Nikki feels slightly scolded. He doesn’t know what to say, so he just nods.

They sit and eat - though Nikki can barely eat, it tastes like nothing - in uncomfortable silence. When Vince is done, het gets up and puts his plate in the sink. Then he finishes his coffee and comes up to Nikki. Nikki looks at him, waits for him to speak.

Vince gives him a soft kiss on his lips. It lasts longer than Nikki expects, and it tastes bitter from the coffee. It’s ominous, Nikki feels paralyzed, can’t do anything, though in his mind he’s grabbing hold of Vince tightly, shaking him, trying to reset him back to normal. In his mind, Vince laughs about it, head falling backward so Nikki can kiss and bite his neck. But in reality, Nikki just sits, receives the kiss, and hopes it won’t end.

Vince finally steps back. “Thank you for breakfast. I should go. See you soon.” And he goes to put on his shoes. 

‘ _When?_ ’ Nikki wants to ask, but that breaks with their pattern and he doesn’t want to say anything else that could damage their… relationship? Well, fuck, it’s something like it, anyway. Or it was. If he’s going to say anything, he’d better do it quick. 

But it’s too late - Nikki hears the door open and close. Vince is gone.

Nikki groans and shoves his plate to the side. He drops his head onto the bar. So, this didn’t go too well. He feels off. This is important - more important than he expected it to be. He needs to figure out how to talk to Vince, without scaring him away. How to make him feel like he can be honest and how to make him feel safe.

Great, so now that he has his list, he should find his spell book.

Or maybe he should talk to Mick.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This picks up where the last chapter ended, _but this is Vince’s POV_.

Vince lies on the beach, fully dressed, except his feet are bare, and he’s leaning up on his elbows and looking at the ocean. There aren’t many people this time of day, or this time of year, but that’s actually pleasant right now. Just hearing the sound of the ocean is soothing and the sand feels good between his toes. He _does_ come here a lot, if he doesn’t need to be elsewhere.

In the distance, he can see Eddie surfing the waves. Maybe he can stay in Eddie’s van for awhile. He hates asking; Eddie’s been living with his parents again, and they’re monitoring him very strictly - a ‘ _their way or the highway_ ’ kind of thing. But they wouldn’t have to know, it would just be nights and he’d be gone before they went out in the morning.

He digs his toes into the sand. Another possible solution is a girl. Maybe Lisa, for some reason she’s completely smitten with him. Probably because he’s in a band. She doesn’t really know him, she just wants him for what he represents, as if he were some kind of star already. She’s his best option, he already knows where she lives. Which means he wouldn’t even have to go out and pretend to be enjoying himself, in order to meet a new girl.

But right now, he really doesn’t want to do what he’d be expected to do, to be able to stay over at a girl’s place. He can’t believe he’s even thinking such a thing; it was always a win-win - fuck a pretty girl _and_ have a nice soft bed to sleep in. Plus, a warm shower in a clean bathroom with fluffy towels in the morning.

No, right now, he feels sick. Mournful. 

Eddie comes out of the water and sees him, he collects his own things from another spot, closer to the water, and makes his way over to where Vince is.

“Hey dude,” Vince says, as Eddie plants his board in the sand. His long, wavy brown hair is a tangled mess, and he has grime in the lines and calluses on his hands and under his fingernails, even after being in the water. He has ‘bum’ written all over him, except, he isn’t one. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t care how he appears.

“Hey man.” Eddie nods and sits down next to him, unzipping his wetsuit, pushing it down to his waist and putting on his frayed t-shirt. “Haven’t seen you in awhile. How’ve you been?”

“Yeah, you know,” Vince nods and shrugs. “How are you?”

Eddie frowns, but lets him off the hook; maybe he can tell it’s not going so well, he’s been there. “I’ve been okay,” Eddie says. “My parents are a pain, but I do get something out of it. I don’t have to worry about what to eat or where to sleep, and I’m learning, saving some money…”

“You’re still doing the apprenticeship, right?” Vince can’t imagine doing what Eddie’s doing right now, working his ass off for next to nothing to become a carpenter. But Eddie seems to really enjoy it.

“Yep. It’s actually really nice, you know. You’re making stuff with your hands, things people need and will use. It feels good to have something tangible to work on. And then finish it. And then start all over again,” he chuckles. “I do chores at the workshop on Saturday, for some extra cash. I’m going there in a minute.”

Vince nods. “I’m happy for you, buddy,” he says, and claps him on the shoulder. He really means it, too, Eddie’s had a rough couple of years.

The third option is the squat houses. Vince has actually been staying at one of two that he knows, one that even has water, cold, but still. Both houses are in a bad part of town, and they aren’t always safe, for him, so whether he stays kind of depends on who’s there. He’s been able to stay lately because Alex was there, and Alex always means he can sleep without worrying about anything happening. Alex is kind of a friendly giant, he can look scary, but he’s a teddybear. He’s always got Vince’s back - almost literally, sleeping right next to him - when Vince is there. When he went there earlier this week though, Alex was gone. Without Alex, Vince can’t stay there anymore; there’s a couple of guys there that have been looking at him a little too much. Vince can hold his own, of course, but he doesn’t like his chances if they gang up on him, and it definitely means he wouldn’t be sleeping.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” Eddie asks, carefully.

Vince hesitates. He really should ask, but it’s like his jaws are locked in place. Why is it so hard to let go of his pride, when it’s obvious he needs help? He feels ashamed, small, compared to Eddie. Even though he can’t see himself doing what Eddie’s doing, Eddie _is_ making progress in his life. He could make decent money if he gets good at his trade. And Vince? He’s just stagnating. Lost.

“I’m okay,” he says, giving Eddie half a smile. He can always come back to the beach, sleep to the sound of the waves.

“Listen,” Eddie says, while grabbing his jeans and fishing around in the pocket. “If you need somewhere to stay, come by, but after 10.” He presses a 20 dollar bill into Vince’s palm. “Take this.” His look says saying ‘ _no_ ’ is not an option.

Vince nods. “Thanks,” he mutters.

“You can talk to me, you know,” Eddie tries, one last time.

Vince nods some more. “I’m fine, really.”

Eddie seems to realize he won’t get anything else out of Vince, so he lets it go. “Well, take care, okay? And I’ll see you soon.” Eddie squeezes Vince’s shoulder, gathers his things and leaves for his van.

Vince lies down, head on his backpack. Eddie’s concerned, and Vince gets that. He’s not himself. Usually, he can enjoy the good moments, such as being on the beach with his friend, without feeling the weight of everything on his shoulders. He doesn’t feel so carefree now.

It’s because of Nikki, of course. And not because Nikki’s his ticket to a hot meal and a warm bed - though he’ll admit it’s definitely a perk. Yes, he’s seen Nikki a lot, but not every day, and not always at his apartment. Vince takes care of himself. He doesn’t want to be a burden or a charity case, and he’s not looking for Nikki to rescue him; he just _wants_ Nikki.

He’d been after Nikki for a long time, watching him from afar, sometimes making contact, but he never tried to force it - it was too important to fuck up. Until that night, when he noticed Nikki definitely noticing him, in his borrowed clothes that he knew looked good on him, better on him than on the owner. He realized that _that_ was his shot. And it was awesome. It’s _been_ awesome, for a couple of months. Vince had still been in the process of slowly working his way into Nikki’s heart - he wasn’t completely sure how, because that is a lot more difficult than winning people over with his body. So, he'd stuck to what he knew, and what he knew people like about him, to be able to spend as much time with Nikki as he could. He never wanted Nikki to know about his situation, that would change everything, Nikki wouldn’t look at Vince the way he _wants_ Nikki to look at him. He would pity him. Feel obligated, maybe. How would Vince know that Nikki _chooses_ to have him around?

But none of it matters now. Because Nikki knows, Vince is sure of it. He’s not sure if Nikki’s behavior changed out of pity or out of some sort of aversion, but it _changed_ , and Nikki doesn’t want him anymore. That means Vince’s chance is gone. And he feels like he’s lost something that’s a part of him, has been part of him for a lot longer than their relationship. It’s like something he's been cherishing and nurturing forever has been ripped from him, and he no longer feels whole.

~

He goes through the motions of the day. First he goes to band practice, in James’ garage. It goes okay, but he’s not excited about it, and he hasn’t got the energy to start a discussion, again, about what they should be doing. Then he goes to the used car business, owned by an uncle of a buddy, where he cleans in the office for cash on Saturdays. Then he cleans himself up at the Y, and he gets a burger and talks to some people at the food court. He asks if they’ve seen Alex, but they haven’t. There’s a rumor that he’s left the city with a girl, but there's always a lot of rumors; half of them are really good, the other half are total bullshit, just fantasies about something nice happening to one of them, when it’s more likely that they overdosed, or got stabbed, or something else depressing. Some of the girls he’s talking to ask him if he wants to come with them - they know this guy who likes to pay well to watch them, and he always asks them to bring a boy. Vince declines.

Instead, he walks around, watches people, looks at shop windows and marquees and band posters, tries to soak up some of the energy of the city getting ready for the night - the lights are coming on, girls, dressed to party, are coming out, and everyone’s laughing. But it’s not working, everything is colorless. And suddenly he finds himself in front of Nikki’s bar. He won’t go in, but he can’t make his legs move just yet. He looks through the window in hopes to catch a glimpse of him, but all he sees is Chris behind the bar.

“Hey kid,” Tommy greets as he walks up to the door. “You coming in?” He takes a last drag from his cigarette and flicks it away.

Vince shakes his head and gives him a wave. “Have a nice night,” he says, and walks off.

It’s probably for the best that he didn’t see Nikki, it’ll only make it more difficult. He goes to a club, to see a band that a guy he went to high school with plays in. The cover charge is only a buck fifty, plus fifty cents to store his bag, and once he’s inside, he runs into people he knows. He tries to be cheery, usually he has no problem with it, even if he’s unsure where he’ll sleep that night. But all he can think about is Nikki. And when a girl wraps him up in an embrace that holds promises of warmth and security, he makes up an excuse and slips away.

~

It’s after midnight when he decides to go check out the _other_ squat house. He walks fast, doesn’t look twice at anything or anyone he sees in the streets, to avoid any problems. When he gets inside, he looks for Kim. Kim is an older guy, around 35 or something, with long hair and a beard. He’s part Indian, like, the Asian kind, and he’s super smart and really calm. Vince doesn’t understand why he’s chosen this lifestyle, when he’s got a degree and everything, but Kim stepped out of society after having been pretty successful in his professional life, teaching philosophy at the university. He disappears every now and then, but if he’s around, he usually stays here.

Vince spots him in one of the rooms upstairs. He’s asleep, but Vince quietly takes out and lays down his mat and settles in, lying down on his back. Everyone leaves Kim alone, and Kim is particular about whom he likes near him. Fortunately, he’s taken to Vince, though Vince doesn’t quite understand why - he usually gets by on his looks, and Kim is definitely not interested in how he looks.

A flashlight comes on for a second, then turns back off. “Haven’t seen you in awhile.” Kim’s low voice is comforting, almost like a purr.

“This place is a dump,” Vince jokes. “I only come here to see you.”

“What have you been up to?” Kim turns towards him and it takes a little while before he settles. Maybe the hard floor is too uncomfortable for him.

“Do you want my mat? I’m okay without it,” Vince offers.

“I’m fine,” Kim chuckles. “I’m not _that_ old, fuck you.”

“I know you’re not.” Vince smiles. He wants to tell him about Nikki, but then he thinks better of it - that’s over, so why would he.

“So? How’s your band doing?”

“I don’t know,” Vince sighs. “Everyone thinks we’re fine as we are, playing parties and occasionally a club. I’m the only one who thinks about promoting us, like, I print posters at the office where I clean, I get us bookings. They’re all too busy with school or work, the band has no priority.”

“Have you talked to them about it? Do they know how serious you are?”

“Well, yeah. Sort of.” Vince isn’t completely honest with anyone who has a roof over their head, so the band may not realize how much he depends on it. “ _You_ used to be in a band.” Vince turns towards Kim.

“Yeah. In college.”

“Did you write songs?”

“Sure. We used to jam and one of us would come up with something, then the others would play off that and add other things to fit it.”

“Did you ever record anything?” Vince asks, interested.

“No, we just played for the hell of it. None of us wanted to deal with the business side.”

“Do you know where the other guys are now?”

“Dunno… probably around, doing what everybody does. Working jobs, getting married, having kids. Contributing to the status quo.”

Vince suspects that Kim’s anti-establishment hoopla is mostly for show, but he doesn’t mind it.

“Did you ever see a band called _London_ play?” Vince asks, unable to stop himself.

“Uhm… Yeah. They were really big around town. For a short while anyway.” Kim frowns. “Why?”

“What were they like?“

“They had an awesome show, they did outrageous things on stage, with props and with fire. Or, they’d get in fights with people in the audience, or each other. It was always fun to watch, you never knew what was going to happen,” Kim grins. Then he clears his throat. “It was before I became a pacifist.”

Vince can’t help but smile widely, thinking about Nikki on stage. Performing, prancing, being lit on fire, fighting, maybe flinging his bass at someone.

“Why?” Kim asks again.

“I know the bass player,” Vince says, softly.

Kim shines the flashlight in his face. Vince blinks.

“Is _that_ what you’ve been doing.”

Suddenly it’s not such a fun topic anymore. Vince turns to his back and puts one arm under his head. “Doesn’t matter now.”

Kim turns the light off. It’s quiet for awhile, and Vince thinks Kim must have fallen back asleep. Then Kim starts to talk again.

“You know, Vince. Your life doesn’t have to be _this_ if you don’t want it to be. You’ve already got one foot in the other world, you just need a little help. You need to ask for help.”

Vince doesn’t respond.

~

Kim’s told Vince he’s leaving again, for awhile. So the next night, Vince goes to Eddie’s house and starts sleeping in his van. For almost a week, he does what he normally does, but his heart is heavy. He’s never felt this alone, not even when his parents kicked him out and he begged them every day for a week to let him back in, but they wouldn’t. He doesn’t look for comfort with girls, he can’t bring himself to act happy and careless enough and honestly, sex with girls feels like a betrayal right now, to his hurt and his grief.

But he feels _so_ alone.

On Thursday night, he’s standing in front of Nikki’s bar again. And he looks at Nikki through the window, unseen from the inside, but he sees Nikki clear as day. The yellow light in the bar makes it look warm and inviting, and it’s busy and the Stones’ _Gimme Shelter_ is playing. Nikki’s behind the bar, just setting drinks on the counter and handling cash, non-stop. Vince watches Nikki’s strong, long arms, wishing they were wrapped around him. He sees the sweet, gentle smile, that he wants to be for him, not all the customers Nikki serves. And he wants Nikki’s kind, beautiful eyes to look his way, so, so much. But he shouldn’t.

He walks away quickly. He knows where he’s going; he’s left his backpack in Eddie’s van, and he’s headed to Lisa’s apartment. When she opens the door, she looks elated.

“Vinnie, oh my god! I haven’t seen you in weeks! How are you?” She gets up on her toes and hugs him.

He pushes his face against her neck and starts to cry.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile 😔 but here's a small update, from Nikki's POV. It has a flashback in italics (not really necessary, but...).

“Did you have a fight with your boyfriend?”

“What?” Nikki stands up - a little too fast - from where he’d been crouching down, looking for something under the counter.

Tommy is sitting at the bar, grinning. “Wow.”

“What did you say?” Nikki asks. There's some urgency in his voice, but that comment came out of nowhere.

“Your little boyfriend. He didn’t want to come in.” Tommy points to where the street is.

Nikki comes from behind the bar and jogs to the entrance. He opens the door and walks onto the street; he looks around, but of course, there’s no Vince. He goes back in and gets to his previous spot. “Did you see him? What did he say?” he asks Tommy.

“Dude,” Tommy frowns. “You look intense.” He lights a cigarette.

Nikki bites the inside of his cheek. He doesn’t want to ask again, but he looks at Tommy intently.

“He didn’t say anything,” Tommy shrugs. “I asked him if he was coming in and he said ‘no’, and ‘have a nice night’.”

“Did he look okay?”

“Uh, I dunno, he looked like he always does. A little less dressed up, maybe.” Tommy seems amused. “Seriously Nikki, _is_ he your boyfriend?” His tone is a little more conspiratorial now.

“No,” Nikki says, but he finds his own voice a little unsure.

Tommy laughs.

“What if he was?” Nikki studies Tommy, wondering what he’d think.

“I say go for it,” Tommy says, completely unbothered. He gestures for Nikki to give him a beer.

“Really.” Nikki opens a bottle and sets it down in front of Tommy.

“Dude. You don’t care what _I_ think, do you? Have you _seen_ my life? Someone makes you happy, grab onto them - him. Enjoy it.”

Nikki smiles - at least it’s good to know Tommy’s okay with it. But still. “It’s not that simple.”

Tommy groans and knocks his forehead onto the bar. “You sound like a girl.” He lifts his head and snorts. “And running out of the bar to try and catch him - quite dramatic.”

“No, I mean - “

“Excuse me,” Chris interrupts, looking flustered. “It’s _Saturday_ , can you two do your knitting circle on your own time?”

Nikki feels a little embarrassed. He nods to Chris and gets back to work, even while feeling Tommy’s eyes on him.

When Chris is on the other end of the bar, Tommy starts again. “What’s so difficult?”

“We’ll talk about it later,” Nikki dismisses. Apart from the fact that it really _is_ busy, he also doesn’t want to discuss Vince’s possible situation so publicly. Vince hasn’t even _told_ him yet. Maybe he never will. Maybe Vince won’t come around anymore. And Nikki will be left wondering where he is, what he’s doing. _How_ he’s doing.

But maybe he’s getting ahead of himself. Maybe Vince will come by later, as he tends to do. Or tomorrow.

~

_Nikki wakes, from a dream he can’t really fully grasp or recall, except there’s a sense, a very strong and possessive pull he feels towards the person lying next to him. It’s not completely real, because he’s in that almost drunk-like state of just waking, still feeling that tug of sleep that makes him believe that he might be able to continue the dream. He knows it’s still the middle of the night. He sees that Vince is asleep, lying on his stomach, sheets around his waist, arms hugging his pillow. But Nikki wants to have him._

_He rolls on to his side up against Vince and presses his nose to Vince’s shoulder, right next to Vince’s face. Vince doesn’t respond; his warm breath comes in slow, long exhales. It’s understandable, but also annoying - some unreasonable voice inside of Nikki wants Vince to immediately react to him, as he always does, as if Vince is so hyperaware of Nikki’s whims to the point where they reach him in his deepest sleep._

_Nikki moves his fingers over Vince’s back, the skin soft, supple, contrasting with the harder protrusions of shoulder blades and ribs. He’s a little on the skinny side, as guys his age sometimes still are, before they fully grow into their adult bodies. His age. It equally makes Nikki cringe and fill with lust, but it’s the latter, mostly, right now. He hasn’t been with anyone this young since he_ was _that young. And the appeal - maybe it’s Vince’s openness, his lack of inhibitions and apprehensions that come with age, even more than the beauty of youthful appearance._

_Although._

_Nikki’s hand moves down, fingers scratching gently at the skin just above Vince’s ass. But damn, Vince does have a good ass for someone ‘a little on the skinny side’. His hand cups and then squeezes Vince’s ass cheek. His cock hardens against Vince’s thigh. The thought of just taking him pops into Nikki’s head, and it comes pretty close to the dream, he realizes._

_But Vince is awake now. Nikki can tell from the change in his breathing - more shallow and coming in little puffs of air, like he’s excited. He stays still though, as if he pretends to be asleep. Nikki tests him, biting his shoulder. Vince shivers, and his breath comes a little more quickly, but he doesn’t move._

_Nikki brings his hand up and licks his index and middle finger. He moves them down and pushes them between Vince’s ass cheeks. Vince spreads his legs._ Good boy _. Nikki’s fingers circle his puffy rim - a little sticky still, from before._

_“Ahh,” Vince punches out a gasp. He could be sore - fuck, that thought makes Nikki’s cock leap._

_Nikki’s fingers play over the hole a while longer, teasing Vince as well as himself. He wishes he could see Vince’s face - he’d be flushed, his eyebrows frowning a little, his lips parted slightly; but it’s too dark, and Nikki doesn’t want to change position right now anyway. He contents himself with following Vince’s breathing, which tells him a lot. It’s a little shaky when Nikki pushes his finger inside. But then Vince contracts his muscles around it._

_“Fuck,” Nikki grunts, softly._

_Vince pushes his ass up, while still making a little hurt noise that signals that he’s sensitive._

_“You’re so good for me,” Nikki whispers, and adds another finger. Vince shudders and moans, breathing uneven._

_Nikki bites Vince’s shoulder again, possessive - not in a way he’s ever felt before, but a new kind of overwhelming emotion, that hits him in his gut every time. There’s things he’s learning about himself, through Vince, but he tries not to think too hard on them._

_The sounds Vince makes spike his arousal and he rubs himself against Vince’s thigh. His fingers twist and scissor inside Vince; a little too fast now, partly because he can’t help it, but partly to coax more small, breathy moans out of Vince. This is usually an enjoyable element to take more time with, but now, the urge is too strong._

_He shifts to the lower end of the bed and gets behind Vince. He tugs on Vince’s hips, getting Vince to pull his knees under him and raise his ass up, and he positions himself between Vince’s legs. Vince leans on his elbows and pushes his forehead into the mattress. Nikki finds the tube of lube, discarded earlier in the night, and drizzles some over Vince’s hole. Vince, startled, moves away slightly, but then quickly corrects himself. These little, but meaningful things Vince does, they are seared into Nikki’s brain, always filed away_ for later _because there are other things to do now._

_Nikki grips Vince’s hip with one hand and works the lube inside with the other, curving his fingers to rub the most sensitive area, and Vince is softly mewling, desperate - but so is Nikki, so he won’t have to wait. Nikki takes his cock, gives himself two long strokes and lines up. He puts his hand on the small of Vince’s back and is still for a moment. He feels Vince trembling, anticipating. It’s beautiful. And it’s beautiful the way he breathes deep, trying to relax, when Nikki pushes in. Nikki’s plan to enjoy the slow long in-and-out strokes goes out the window with Vince fluttering around his cock, and Vince adjusts his legs as Nikki roughly grabs his hips and pulls Vince back to meet him._

_Nikki wants to tell him how pretty he is, how_ good _he is, what Vince does to him, but instead all he does is feel, touch and listen; the way Vince responds to him as big a part of his building arousal as the sensation of fucking Vince itself._

_Vince’s vocalizations turn from gibberish to something more clear, repeated, softly. Nikki listens hard to make out what it is._

_“Please… please…”_

_Nikki’s movements stutter, then stop - it takes some effort, but if Vince isn’t okay, he has to know._

_Vince groans and rubs his forehead against the mattress. Nikki leans over him, his hands pressing down on the mattress on either side of Vince’s shoulders, and he nuzzles the nape of Vince’s neck. Vince is breathing hard, but he’s not speaking anymore. Nikki gives his neck a kiss and leans back up, moves a hand down Vince’s back and around his waist. He finds Vince’s cock, hard and hot, and Vince moans and shivers as Nikki grips it. Nikki feels his own cock throb, knowing Vince was just waiting for Nikki to touch him. He brings his hand up and spits into it, before lowering it back to close around Vince, and he strokes, slowly, tightly, marvelling at how Vince stays so still while obviously affected._

_Then, Vince gives another long groan, and it makes Nikki start moving again, pushing in quick, rough; and soon, he feels the stickiness of Vince’s release on his fingers as he keeps working him. Vince almost collapses, but then Nikki moves his hand back to keep Vince's hips up and pull them to him, while his own movements grow erratic as he gets close. Vince makes little sweet sounds, he’s probably sensitive, but Nikki’s almost there; and then Vince pushes up and back, helping, and Nikki grunts as he comes, pumping until there is absolutely nothing left and he drops down on top of Vince, hips still twitching._

_Vince is quiet, doesn’t try to push him off, but his breathing is quick and shallow. Nikki bites him once more, and then does move - not far, just to the side a little bit. He still feels an urge. He moves his hand to Vince’s ass and fingers his hole. Vince mewls and shudders. Nikki pushes himself against Vince’s thigh again, though it makes him flinch. He feels Vince’s breath on his face and it makes him want to get closer. He kisses Vince, who opens to him immediately and kisses back with such fervor, that if it wasn’t clear before how happy he is, it is now._

_Nikki rolls onto his back, pulling Vince with him, resting his hand on Vince’s flank. Vince stretches and nestles in, like Gus would. He throws his arm around Nikki and rests his cheek against Nikki’s chest. Nikki cups the back of Vince's head and pushes his fingers into his hair._

_It’s calm and quiet. Nikki feels sleep lure him back now, now that all the urgency is gone and he’s sated._

_“Can we have pancakes for breakfast?” Vince says, way too normal._

_“Yeah, sure.” Nikki can’t help but smile._

~

It’s been five days. Three days longer than any stretch of time that Nikki has not been visited by Vince, since this whole thing began. And he’s been worried for nearly every waking moment of them. Really, most sleeping moments too; because he either dreams that Vince is in his bed with him, having returned as if nothing has changed and talking his ear off happily - which is nice for as long as it lasts, or, he dreams that Vince has gotten very badly hurt. He’s spent a lot of his free time wandering around the city, noticing things he’s never noticed before, looking at the people in the streets a little closer than before; but he hasn’t seen Vince. He’s got no idea if he’s overreacting. What even are normal stretches of time of radio silence, in a situation like this?

There’s a knock on the door. Nikki hurries to open it, always hoping that Vince will be there, waltzing in as if it’s the most normal thing in the world that he’s there again. But of course it’s not him.

“So I have good news, and bad news,” Mick says as Nikki lets him in.

“Okay…” Nikki follows Mick into the living room, where Mick sits down. Nikki stands, arms crossed, waiting.

“I’d _love_ a beer, thanks,” Mick nods, as if Nikki offered him one.

Nikki gets him a beer and assumes his previous position.

Mick sits back and sighs. “Okay. So he _is_ homeless.”

Nikki feels a little unsteady, and drops to sit on the plush rug that Vince likes to lie on. It’s what he’s been thinking, but it’s still a bit of a shock. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah. I talked to some of the kids - described him, and they know him. They said he’s pretty good at taking care of himself. They talk to him, see him around, but he goes his own way too.” Mick takes a drink from his bottle.

Nikki feels a little relieved, but he’s also still worried and he’s bursting with questions, now that he knows that someone can tell him more. He sees Mick wait for him to ask.

“Why is he not coming by any more?” It’s the first thing that comes out.

“I can’t tell you that. Maybe he’s embarrassed. Maybe you not knowing was part of this thing he had with you, and now that you know…” Mick shrugs.

“Does he think I’ll pity him?”

“Maybe,” Mick says again.

“Do you think he’s hustling? Selling himself?” Nikki swallows.

“I don’t know, Nikki.”

“Did they know where he is?”

Mick shakes his head. “They’ve seen him, but they don’t know where he goes.”

Great. So all he knows is that Vince is out there, taking care of himself. But not how, or where. Nikki raises his knees and presses his forehead to them. He’s not really feeling reassured anymore.

“So. All I can do is wait?”

Mick doesn’t answer. Nikki looks back up and sees Mick look at him.

“If they don’t want to be found, it’s damned difficult,” Mick shrugs. “But there are some likely places you could check out. If you want to risk it.”

His first instinct is yes, so he nods.

“Think about it. If you want, join me Saturday. We can check out a few spots.”

“Okay. What time should I come by?”

“Think about it,” Mick repeats.

~

Nikki’s working, it’s busy, that’s always a good distraction. Chris is in a good mood, he turns up the music and flirts with girls who order drinks, though Chris hates flirting and he usually makes cynical comments to girls that flirt with him. But he’s a good friend and he does it in part to entertain Nikki. And it does.

But Nikki also keeps thinking about what Mick said. He thought he didn’t need to think about it, about searching Vince out, asking him to come back with him. So he could take care of him. But the result was, that he _did_ think about it. And he sees that it may not be as straightforward. His involvement might not be welcome, and him seeing Vince when he’s most vulnerable, when Vince has gone out of his way to hide it from him… it might not be the best way to win his trust. And so, Nikki’s still thinking it over.

He looks out the window, and he thinks he sees a shadow that looks like Vince walk away. But he sees a lot of Vince shadows now. He turns back and takes the next order, as Chris sings along to the chorus of _Gimme Shelter_ , and he smiles, shaking his head.


	6. Chapter 6

Nikki spends most of his Saturday seeing a part of the city he usually doesn’t, with Mick. After a couple of hours, he’s lost hope that he will miraculously find Vince. He sits on a decorative boulder on the street while Mick is inside the shelter - it’s mostly empty now, but he’s in there to find out if one of the volunteers knows Vince.

Nikki looks around and his gaze is pulled by a familiar face. He gets up and walks up to two girls on a bench; they don’t notice him even when he’s standing right in front of them, too involved in their own gossip session. “Excuse me,” he says.

The girls look up. One girl smiles, recognizing him. “Hey! You’re the bar owner,” she says, pointing at him.

“Yeah,” Nikki nods. “I saw you with Vince before, right?”

“Yessss…” She grins, seems to think back.

“Have you seen him lately?”

“Uhm, no. I haven’t seen him in awhile, actually. That’s usually how it goes,” she shrugs.

“Do you have any idea where I could find him?” Nikki feels like shaking the girl, maybe she’ll see his urgency then. But that’s probably not going to be helpful to his cause.

“Well… I know exactly where he’ll be five days from now,” she says, smiling, looking at something.

Nikki turns and tries to see what she’s looking at. There’s a bunch of posters on a palm tree, and Nikki walks up to it to see what they say. He sees the words ‘Rock Candy’ and a smudgy copy, of a copy, of a copy, of a picture of four guys - one of them is unmistakably Vince. Nikki rips one of the posters off the tree.

“Hey,” Mick says, joining him. “I may have a lead.”

“What is it?” Nikki looks at him and folds the paper.

“A guy in there says he saw Vince in a squat house last week or so. Do you want to check it out?”

“Yeah,” Nikki nods, hope sparked again.

They go to the squat house. It’s so bare and desolate that it makes Nikki’s chest feel too tight. He sees mats, a few worn sleeping bags, empty food containers, garbage. He tries to imagine Vince here, his beautiful, soft, happy angel - he’s going to contemplate those terms of endearment later - and he has trouble with it. His throat constricts with a huge lump he can’t swallow.

There are a few people there, but they don’t want to talk to them. Or, they are too fucked up to talk to them. Nikki wants to start hitting people, but he’s actually a little scared that it might cause trouble for Vince, if he _is_ staying there. Nikki doesn’t want to think Vince can’t take care of himself, but. He’s still just one small boy and these guys could be dangerous - high or not, Nikki doesn’t know how things work here.

Mick tells Nikki he might have better luck if he comes back early in the morning, before everyone leaves for the day. Nikki agrees.

~

Nikki spends the rest of the day and night at the bar, even though he’s not actually working. It means he gets plastered. He sits at the bar and whines at Tommy.

“Dude, you are a nightmare,” Tommy says, pushing Nikki back when he leans over to try and grab the bottle of Jack. “I’m cutting you off.”

“You’re an asshole,” Nikki complains.

“Then go sit on the other end,” Tommy shoos him.

Nikki gets up and stumbles to the other side, annoyed as hell.

“What do you want, little troublemaker,” Lita says, preparing drinks. She looks amused.

“Tommy cut me off,” Nikki pouts.

“Well, then it must be serious.”

“Gimme a drink,” he gestures.

“Uh, _no_? You _just_ told me Tommy cut you off,” she snorts and rings up the order.

Nikki drops his head on the counter.

“Is he okay?” the guy who pays for the drinks asks.

“Don’t mind him, he’s being dramatic,” Lita reassures him.

“You’re all a bunch of assholes,” Nikki mumbles.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asks.

He looks up at her. “My chest hurts,” he says, pitifully. He rubs his hand over his chest, really trying to soothe away the pain.

“Really?” Lita gives him a look. “ _You_ got your fucking heart broken?” The tone is fair enough - Nikki hasn’t always been a gentleman with her. “That’s impressive.”

“What do you do, when that happens?” he asks.

“You have a cry. You pick yourself up. You move on.” She studies him. “Or. You fight for the relationship. If there’s a chance.”

Nikki thinks on that.

“You’re slightly adorable,” Lita chuckles. “I say, fight.”

Nikki feels a sudden burst of familiar affection for this woman he’s known for nearly two decades, and he gets higher up on the bar stool to lean over the counter and give her a crushing hug. She allows it, for about five seconds.

“Get away from me, fucking idiot.” She pushes him off. “Go home.”

~

Nikki had been lucid enough to set his alarm to 5 am; but now that it goes off, he’s tempted to just throw it across the room and continue his low-quality sleep, with dreams about math problems and a fuzzy painful head. But now he’s awake and thinking about why he set the alarm makes his adrenalin shoot up, so he gets up, takes some Tylenol, and then gets himself ready to go to the squat house.

He feels nervous again, even more so than yesterday, maybe because he’s alone, maybe because he’s sleep-deprived and hungover, but mostly because this is probably the best chance he has of actually seeing Vince - it’s a specific location, and if he’s staying there, he’ll definitely be there at this hour. And he doesn’t even really know what he’s going to say or do, he’s been so focused on just finding him.

Nikki drives up to the house and his nervousness amps up to a nauseating feeling. It’s eerie, seeing the house at dawn, it makes him think of horror movies. He has to psych himself up to go in.

When he goes in though, he just feels sadness. Some people are getting up, others are still asleep. Some are hidden by their old blankets or sleeping bags, and Nikki doesn’t want to get too close and disturb anyone. But he sees enough of everyone that he feels sure that Vince isn’t one of them. At least, downstairs.

He ventures up the stairs. None of the rooms have doors anymore, so he can have a look without alarming anyone. He sees someone get ready to leave. 

“Excuse me,” he says.

The guy looks at him, skittishly.

“I’m looking for someone. Have you seen a guy called Vince? Blond, about this tall,” Nikki indicates with his hand.

The guy keeps looking at him and then at the hall - Nikki is blocking his escape route. He steps aside, to show that he doesn’t want to stop the guy from leaving.

“He’s not here, man,” the guy murmurs, and continues to pack his stuff.

“Have you seen him, recently?” Nikki is a tad too excited about the fact that the guy knows whom he’s talking about, but he tries to remain composed.

“I don’t know.” The guy gets up and shoulders his bag. “Ask Kim.” He points to the room on the right. “He hates people, so. He might not talk to you.”

The guy walks out, past Nikki, and leaves. Nikki looks into the other room. There’s a guy with long black hair and a black beard sitting on a mat, staring back at him. Nikki startles, but he senses right away that this is the guy he needs. “Are you Kim?”

“Why are you asking about Vince,” the guy says, observing Nikki closely.

“He’s my friend, I’m looking for him.” Nikki balls his fists and sinks his nails into his palms, aware that he shouldn’t jump too hard on this opportunity.

“Friend?” Kim raises an eyebrow.

“Well...” What’s Nikki supposed to say? “He always comes by and now I haven’t seen him in over a week. I’m a little worried.”

“Bet you didn’t know,” Kim mumbles and gestures for Nikki to come in.

He gets out a bottle of water and a pot, as Nikki comes in and sits down on the floor. Kim has a small butane gas burner and boils some water in the pot. He takes out two empty jars and puts a coffee filter holder on one, puts some paper towels in it and some ground coffee from a tin can.

Nikki watches him, impressed, as he prepares coffee for them both. “No, I didn’t.”

Kim chuckles. “That kid - such a proud little fucker.”

Nikki almost feels offended on Vince’s behalf. But he’s out of his depth, and he has no idea of all the things he doesn’t know, so he bites his tongue. “Are you his friend?”

“I don’t know if I’d call anyone _a friend_ now. But no one touches that boy when I’m here.” Kim says it in a way that it reveals a huge amount of affection. His likability goes up a few notches for Nikki.

He just watches in silence while Kim finishes making the coffee. Then Kim gives him a jar. “It won’t taste like yours, but you look like you could use some.”

Nikki takes the jar and thanks him.

“You’re the bass player?” Kim takes out some loose tobacco and rolling paper and rolls a cigarette.

Nikki’s surprised. “Uh. Yeah, used to be.”

Kim offers him the cigarette, Nikki declines. “Did he talk about me?”

Kim eyes him and lights his cigarette. He exhales the smoke away from Nikki. “Some. He asked me if I’d heard of your band and I told him I saw you play, back in the day. He seemed to think that whatever you two have is done, though.”

Nikki pulls up his knees and rubs his palms into his eyes. So it definitely isn’t a coincidence that he hasn’t seen Vince.

“But I think he didn’t want it to be. I’m guessing it has to do with what he hasn’t been telling you about himself?”

“Maybe,” Nikki mumbles. “Do you know where I can find him?”

Kim shakes his head. “I only see him here. I was away all week, I don’t think he stays here on his own.” He seems to ponder something. “But he is really good at looking after himself. People are drawn to him. That helps, sometimes.” Kim grins.

“Do you think he’s staying with someone?” Nikki sips his coffee. It’s so bitter, it nearly makes him cough.

Kim shrugs. “Girls like to have him around.”

Nikki nods. Even if it stings a little, he wants Vince to be safe and well; and if this is how, that’s absolutely fine.

“Don’t give up,” Kim says, casually, taking another drag from the cigarette.

Nikki looks at Kim. He doesn’t seem the type to involve himself in other people’s business. Vince really must mean something to him.

“He’s a good kid. But he lives in two worlds and he’s scared to death about people finding out about it.”

“Yeah.” Nikki understands.

“Someone needs to show him that he’s worth it.” Kim looks at him, impressing upon him how important this is.

“Thanks. Thank you.” Nikki wonders if he should offer Kim something. But while he’s thinking about it, the decision gets taken away from him.

“Now get the fuck out of here, I need to take a piss.”

~

Nikki switches shifts so he can go to the Rock Candy show on Thursday, and he asks Mick to go with him.

“Look at all these children,” Mick grumps when they're inside. But Nikki sees through it, knows that Mick secretly likes the energy and enthusiasm in the air here.

The room is about half filled, and there are still people coming in. There’s two other bands playing after Rock Candy, that weren’t pictured on the poster Nikki has, showing that this was really a publicity effort by the band. It seems to have done the job, people are already flocking towards the stage.

Nikki gets them both a beer and looks around to check if he sees someone familiar. Really, he’s looking to see Vince, or maybe someone else in the band, although he doesn’t think he’d recognize any of the other members from the low quality poster image. And he doesn’t see anyone remotely familiar. He sees a lot of girls though, and the idea that they could be there for Vince makes him feel irrationally possessive. It confuses him, but he pushes it down - he doesn’t really have the capacity to think about now that with all the other emotions churning inside.

He’s going to see Vince. 

He brings back the beer to Mick, and takes a few large gulps from his own beer immediately.

“What’s wrong with you?” Mick raises his eyebrow.

“Nothing.” Nikki drinks the rest of his beer. These cups are too small.

“Do you want me to let you know when you do something stupid?” Mick’s tone is amused, but there’s a note of seriousness in there.

Nikki doesn’t even know. He feels a ridiculous sense of turnabout, thinks of how Vince was talking about wanting to see _Nikki_ play. Now Nikki feels like a fanboy - though it’s really nothing to do with the band, apart from the singer.

They stand there waiting, looking at what happens around them. Nikki suddenly feels too exposed, he doesn’t want Vince to see him - it could be too confrontational, or it could be disruptive to Vince’s performance; so they move to the side and take up a spot by the wall where they can still see the stage.

Mick goes to get them another beer and comes back just before the lights dim, and Nikki has a flashback to times when he saw his own heroes in concert - feeling excitement and nervous energy spike.

The guys appear on stage. Nikki’s heart beats a mile a minute. He sees a Vince-shaped silhouette, turned to the side, talking to the guitar player, but he can’t see him very well. There’s some yells and whistles from the crowd, but a lot of people are also still talking.

Then the music starts and the stage lights come on. It’s been awhile since Nikki went to a concert and the volume of the music smacks him in the face, but it’s also familiar and comforting.

And he finally sees Vince as he starts to sing.

Nikki can’t keep his eyes off him. Vince is wearing leather pants that Nikki’s seen before, and a torn and stitched together sleeveless shirt that leaves most of his belly and part of his chest exposed. His hair is teased up and his eyes are outlined black with eyeliner. He is doing what every good frontman does - he struts around, shakes his hips, he looks and smiles at the girls in front of the stage, he talks to the audience in between songs, he sings well - but there’s that extra something special, something you can’t learn or rehearse. The band as a whole isn’t very remarkable, but _he sells it_ , like they are god’s gift to music.

The audience buys it. Nikki doesn’t really notice until Vince goes to the side of the stage, takes a drink from his beer and has a moment with the bass player. That’s when Nikki takes in the noise from the crowd - encouraging shouts from girls and guys, and he realizes people, well, girls, are standing really close to the stage too. He looks over at Mick. It’s a little hard to tell what he’s thinking, but he’s looking at the stage, so that’s something.

The next song starts. Nikki’s so focused on watching Vince that it takes him half a minute to register that _he_ himself wrote this song. Suddenly, he feels overwhelmed with emotion, a sense of belonging, fate. It’s sentimental, but there’s a reason clichés are clichés. Those possessive feelings - the ones that cloud his rational thought and make him feel like a caveman, make his entire being fill with a sense of _mine_ \- they _surge_.

Nikki wants to step out, let Vince see him. Show Vince that he’s there for him, that he wants whatever Vince will offer. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to steal Vince’s moment and he doesn’t want to scare him off. So he waits.

When the band is done and they clear the stage, Nikki notices how dry his throat is. He looks at Mick, to tell him he’s going to get them a drink, but Mick, apparently having gone to the bar already without him noticing, hands him a beer. 

“That kid has got something,” Mick says, face neutral.

It’s an understatement to Nikki, but he nods and gulps down his beer.

“He should ditch that band though.”

Nikki sees the girls are still shouting stuff at Vince, but the club’s music is playing until the next band comes on, so he can’t hear what they’re saying. Vince interrupts his clearing duties to crouch down and talk to them, receiving their kisses and laughing. He’s beautiful.

“I’m gonna go take a leak,” Nikki says and walks to the bathrooms.

While he washes his hands, he glances at his face in the mirror. Sees the other guys walking in and out behind him, and wonders if he’s about to make a huge mistake. A lot of people here are still figuring out their identity, some look tough and sure, for others it’s plain as day that they aren’t comfortable in their clothes and assumed persona. Nikki remembers what that’s like, and remembers what he went through before he got to the point where he is now; a lifetime of experience has passed since then.

He walks back out, thinks about leaving, but he has to go find Mick first. And then he sees Vince.

About five feet away. Staring back at him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The POV shifts to Vince again, here. This starts at the night of the show in the previous chapter.

Vince left Lisa’s place after a few days. Lisa’s a nice girl and she really likes him, but he doesn’t want to mislead her about what they are. He’s been back to sleeping in Eddie’s van, except for one occasion when he ended up in another girl’s bed. Of course it’s wonderful to be somewhere clean and soft, _with_ someone clean and soft; but it just made him think about how she wasn’t Nikki, so he hasn’t wanted to do it again. 

He’s gotten better at acting like he’s fine - even though he’s feeling worse every day - and that’s good because tonight he’s really going to have to sell the band; he wants to prove to the club that it’s a good idea to have them back. He drinks a little, but not too much, just enough to ease his nerves. And he performs as he’s supposed to perform. He sings, moves, flirts with the girls in front of the stage, and the response from the audience is good, everything is going as it should.

Then they play Nikki’s song. It would be strange if they didn’t, they always play it, but it takes a bit of effort for Vince. It makes him mournful, thinking about how he let something perfect slip through his fingers. Or maybe it shouldn’t have. Doesn’t have to. He hasn’t allowed himself to think ‘what if’, but it happens now, while he’s on stage, while everyone is watching. 

And so he sings the song to Nikki, as if Nikki’s there. He feels connected; even if it’s just fantasy, he’s experiencing it, without anyone knowing, and he cherishes it. It’s magical. He’s transported to a different time and place, where he’s flirting with Nikki, teasing Nikki, making Nikki watch him, until Nikki’s had enough and jumps on him. And it’s like Nikki is watching him now.

It feels so good those couple of minutes, that when the song is over and his mind is fully back in the club, he sinks down into sadness. For a moment, he’s not sure he can continue. But he _has to._ The next song has already begun, so he takes a quick drink and he shakes it off, starts moving to the beat, searches out a girl in front of the stage and winks at her.

When the show is over they pack up their things and Vince spends some time crouched down, talking to some of the girls still standing at the stage. Dave, who plays guitar in the the next band, claps him on the shoulder. Vince takes it as an excuse to finish his chat and stands back up. 

“That was great, man. You looked great,” Dave nods at him.

“Thanks.” Vince smiles.

“How ya been? I thought I’d see you at the gig last Saturday.”

“Yeah, I couldn’t make it,” Vince shrugs. “Did I miss anything?”

“To be honest… No. These guys are all tired, man. It’s the same old shit all the time.” Dave looks at him. “Aren’t _you_ tired of being in a cover band?” he says, a little lower.

“Well.” Vince looks at his bandmates goofing around. “What can you do?” 

“If you’re unhappy…” Dave sounds like he wants to ask him something.

Vince looks at Dave and frowns, wonders what he’s suggesting.

“Maybe we can talk, sometime? Soon?” Dave hands him a piece of paper. “I’ll be at work tomorrow, if you want to stop by. Or give me a call.”

Vince looks at the number on the paper. Dave works at a record store, Vince goes by and plays records sometimes, when the boss isn’t there to complain about him hanging around. He hasn’t been in the mood, lately. There are many people he hasn’t seen because he hasn’t been in the mood. Apparently it’s been noticed.

He nods, absentmindedly, and stuffs the piece of paper in his waistband. He feels drained, now that the show is over and he’s no longer in performance-mode. “Good luck. Do you need help setting up?” he asks, gesturing around the stage.

“Naw, man. Thanks. And _call me_. _”_ Dave smiles.

Vince waves and gets off the stage. He tells James he’s leaving. James tells him he’s boring - he’s sort of joking, and Vince takes it in stride. He tells James to enjoy himself and turns to go get his coat and bag.

And then he sees Nikki, and he freezes. 

Nikki only sees him a few seconds later. Vince could have used those few seconds to disappear in the other direction. But he didn’t. He has to make sure he doesn’t _jump_ Nikki, in fact, because that is the _only_ thing he wants to do. _Want_ is not on the table, though. He _can’t_. But he can’t move either. So he just stands there, like a deer in headlights, as Nikki slowly approaches. 

“Hi,” Nikki smiles.

Vince sees Nikki hesitate to touch him, but then he does reach out and squeeze Vince’s arm, in a way you’d greet a friend. It’s wrong. It’s not the way they touch each other. But it’s also _Nikki_ touching his arm.

“Hi,” Vince smiles back. He can’t not smile; it’s too good to see him. “What are you doing here?”

Nikki’s arm drops and Vince feels the absence of his hand so vividly, he thinks he might drift away. “I saw your poster. I wanted to check it out… We thought you were awesome,” Nikki grins.

Vince feels his cheeks flush. “Yeah?” Then he thinks of the ‘we’ and looks around to see who this other person is.

“I brought Mick.” Nikki also looks around. “I’ll find him later.”

Vince is uncertain. Nikki looks afraid that he might bolt, and Vince doesn’t really know that he won’t. How else will he be able to resist throwing himself at Nikki?

“Can we talk?” Nikki asks, gesturing to get out of the area where they are now and into the area where the bathrooms and coat and bag storage are.

Vince hedges. “I need a beer.”

Nikki smiles, seems relieved. “Okay.”

They go to the bar and Nikki gets them both a beer. Then Vince follows him out to the hall and Nikki sits down on a ledge in a corner. Vince sits down too - nervous, excited, but also a little defiant. Almost like he’s gearing up to protect his stance, his dignity; even while, after these hard two weeks, he also just wants to throw away every reason he thought up in his head about why this can’t happen anymore.

“How have you been?” Nikki asks. He’s cautious. It reminds Vince of the last night they spent together.

Vince shrugs and looks at his beer, picks at the plastic cup. “I’ve been okay.” Of course, he _hasn’t._ He wonders if Nikki can tell.

“Well, _I_ haven’t,” Nikki says, taking Vince by surprise.

Vince glances at Nikki, wonders if Nikki’s angry; and for a split second, his world collapses even further, he wants to just expire right there, with the thought that Nikki could judge him badly.

But Nikki’s expression is gentle - friendly and concerned. Vince wants to wrap his arms around Nikki and bury his face against his neck. He bites his lip; he needs to stay cool.

“You _know_ that I know, right?” Nikki says, carefully. 

Vince breathes in deeply. He doesn’t want to do this. But, there is a chance it could be okay, and it really can’t get any worse. “I don’t want you to pity me.”

“I…” Nikki pauses. 

So there it is - he does. Vince drinks down his beer in one go and wonders what’s going to happen here. Should he just go, and spare himself whatever Nikki wants to tell him? Or should he stay and possibly get shattered?

“I missed you,” Nikki finally says. 

Vince feels a surge of warmth and his throat closes up. He swallows and looks at Nikki. 

“I looked for you everywhere. I was so worried.” Nikki clears his throat and takes a drink.

“Really?” Vince can barely squeeze out a sound, but he wants to hear more.

“I should have known more about you. I took it for granted that I’d see you again. I don’t think I even realized…” He puts his hand on Vince’s knee. Vince looks at it. The heat from Nikki’s hand seeps into his bones. “I care about you.”

Vince’s eyes burn, but he doesn’t want to blink and spill a tear. He can’t even flush out if he feels good or bad right now, he’s just completely lost. He turns his head away and pretends to look at people walking into the other room - where the band is about to start playing.

“Vince,” Nikki says.

Hearing his name in Nikki’s voice gives him goosebumps. He looks back at Nikki, whose eyes are so soft and sweet and Vince wants _so_ badly to be with him, he can’t even think of anything else anymore.

“Look, I don’t want you to feel… This isn’t pity.” Nikki’s hand presses down on Vince’s leg - it belongs there, Vince’s whole being screams it at him. “I can help you. I want to help you.” 

Vince is exhausted. He’s been running on empty and trying to suppress his feelings for so long, and all he wants is right there in front of him. He soaks up Nikki’s nearness, his settling touch, his comforting voice, his beautiful eyes.

Nikki squeezes his leg. “Are you okay?” He frowns.

Vince realizes maybe he’s been zoning out. He nods. The music is getting loud and he doesn’t think he has it in him to raise his voice. He needs a little break. He closes his eyes.

“Can you wait here? I’m going to see where Mick is.” Nikki’s leaning in to speak into Vince’s ear. 

Vince gets pulled into Nikki’s gravity and sways slightly towards him, but he corrects himself. He looks at Nikki and nods again.

“Wait here?” Nikki repeats.

Vince wants to go; he feels faint. But he nods.

“And then maybe we can go outside? You look like you could use some fresh air.”

Vince smiles. “Okay.”

Nikki gives him one more look, imparting how much he wants Vince to stay. And Vince leans back and closes his eyes again, as Nikki gets up and goes back to the other room.

Vince doesn’t know how long he waits. It’s like seeing Nikki wasn’t real. A few girls try to talk to him and he smiles at them and apologizes, tells them he’s feeling a little off and he’s waiting for someone. He’s afraid he’s going to either fall asleep or pass out, so he gets up and goes to collect his bag so he can go outside.

“Are you okay?” the girl behind the counter asks.

He nods and gives her a small smile, then turns to put on his coat.

“Hey,” Nikki is suddenly there again, his hands on Vince’s shoulders. 

Vince smiles again. “Nikki…” Something is off, but, Nikki’s here, and so why would anything else matter.

Stuff happens around him, then Nikki puts his arm around Vince and takes Vince’s bag. “Come on,” he says, taking Vince outside.

Vince lets Nikki lead him. And once outside, the fresh air is like a salve. Nikki sits down with him on a bench and Vince leans into him, under his arm. He breathes deeply a few times.

“A little better?” Nikki asks, fingers brushing Vince’s arm. 

It’s unreal. Not just because Vince didn’t think this would be happening, but also because this kind of closeness between them has only happened after sex, or with the haze of sleep hanging over them. He’d been so careful not to go too fast, and scare Nikki off, he’d never tried to do just this, never felt like he could.

“I miss you too.” Vince didn’t know he would say it until he does.

He gets crushed by both of Nikki’s arms, that wrap around him and pull him against Nikki’s chest. It feels like everything is occurring without Vince being able to see it coming, but right now he doesn’t mind - this is all he wants. He presses his face into Nikki’s chest and takes in his scent, the smell of his clean shirt, his cologne, his skin underneath.

Nikki chuckles. He’s not laughing at Vince, it sounds more like relief. “Let’s go home?” he suggests.

Somewhere in Vince’s head there’s a word repeating itself, that should make it out of his mouth. 

But he ignores it. 

“Okay,” he says instead.

~

They arrive in Nikki’s apartment. For some reason, Nikki is very concerned about him. But Vince is just floating on Nikki’s voice and melting into Nikki’s arms. 

Nikki takes him to the bed. “You should get some sleep,” he says softly, while he takes off Vince’s shirt. Vince raises his arms helpfully. 

“I should take a shower,” Vince mumbles. “I’m sweaty.”

Nikki grabs one of his own t-shirts and helps Vince put it on. Then he nudges Vince to lie down and opens his pants. Vince grins as Nikki tugs them down and off his legs.

“I knew it,” Nikki snorts, seeing that Vince isn’t wearing underwear. 

He gets Vince into a pair of Nikki’s sweatpants. Vince hums, hugs himself and twists his head into the pillow. Everything around him is Nikki, and he feels high because of it. He rubs his fingers over the soft, worn fabric of the shirt, and his toes wiggle against the inside of the - too long - legs of the sweatpants.

“Drink some water,” Nikki says, tilting Vince’s head up and helping him drink from a bottle.

“I have to…” Vince feels his bladder now and he gets up slowly, holding the waist of the sweatpants up as he walks to the bathroom. 

When he’s done, he contemplates the shower again. But as soon as he flushes, Nikki takes him back to bed.

“I’m fine,” Vince says, but it feels good when Nikki tucks him under the covers. He burrows in on his side. Nikki strokes his hair for a few moments, but then moves away. 

“Stay.” Vince gets his arm out of the covers and reaches for Nikki.

“I’ll be right back,” Nikki assures him and leaves.

Vince starts to shiver. He’s sore and worn-out, and he’s beginning to doubt that any of this is real. Then Gus jumps on the bed, right in front of him. 

“Hey, buddy…” Vince sticks out his hand so that Gus can bump his head into it. Gus purrs and drops down, moving his cheek against Vince’s knuckles. Sniffing Vince’s hand only happens after that - like Gus first wanted to show how happy he is to see him.

The purring soothes Vince, and consciousness starts to slip away more and more. At some point, Nikki comes into the bed behind him, his chest is warm against Vince’s back, his hand lies flat on Vince’s belly. He feels secured, tethered, safe to fall asleep.

~

Vince wakes up and he’s disoriented. It takes him a few seconds to get his bearings, and then he realizes he’s with Nikki. And he knows it’s true, but it’s as if he just woke up from a days-long dream. He remembers what happened, and at the same time he _can’t imagine_ it happened, like he wasn’t really there. 

Gus is lying next to him, sleeping all sprawled out, his hind legs pushing against Vince’s leg. And Vince is pressed back against Nikki, who is solid, calm and still. He gives himself a little longer, to feel, to memorize. Nikki’s breathing is even and deep; Vince can carefully get up and leave once he is ready, in a little bit. 

The moment comes when Gus stretches and gets up. He jumps from the bed and leaves the room, and Vince expects him to start crying for food soon - which doesn’t always immediately wake Nikki up, but it could. 

Vince slowly inches away from Nikki and hopes Nikki’s arm around him is limp enough for it to slide right off. 

But the arm tightens and Vince is pulled back. 

Nikki nuzzles the back of his neck and hums. “You’re not leaving. Go back to sleep.” 


	8. Chapter 8

Nikki wakes up when Gus jumps from the bed. In the moments it takes him to fully realize that Vince is here with him, he also notices Vince is tense. Which probably means he’s feeling stronger, and thinking about sneaking away.

And then it happens - Vince is slowly sliding out of bed. Nikki has to stop this; they have to talk, trust each other, build something.

He pulls Vince back, and in an effort to exude some authority, he pushes his face against the nape of Vince’s neck and keeps Vince snug against himself. “You’re not leaving. Go back to sleep.”

He waits, reads Vince’s body language. He’s a little nervous - it could backfire, it could send the wrong message. He thinks this is what Vince needs, but it has to be _his_ choice, and Nikki hopes he knows that. Vince is still tense, but he’s not struggling; Nikki would let him leave if he was. After awhile, Nikki’s arm loosens, showing Vince he can still decide to go.

Nothing happens for minutes. Nikki feels like he’s holding his breath and he wonders if he should speak; but then, suddenly, Vince starts to move. He shuffles and turns towards Nikki, nuzzling right under Nikki’s throat and putting his arm around him. Nikki exhales and cups his hand around the back of Vince’s head. Vince’s arm tightens, like he can’t get close enough.

“Hey,” Nikki says softly, just to say it’s okay, and he moves his fingers through Vince’s hair, then rubs his hand over Vince’s back.

Vince shivers a little, and Nikki feels warm tears against his skin. Nikki squeezes his eyes closed; a lump forms in his throat. “It’s okay,” he whispers. God, he wants to take away all Vince’s pain and worries. There is so much they should talk about, figure out, but no matter what, Nikki will do whatever he can to make sure Vince doesn’t go back out on the streets. 

If Vince will let him.

They lie quietly for a time, and eventually Nikki falls asleep. 

~

When he wakes up, Vince is looking at him. Vince closes his eyes quickly, pretending he wasn’t looking, but he smiles. Nikki chuckles; he’s being aloof about it, but he feels relieved and happy.

Vince opens his eyes again. He looks a little coy and _so_ beautiful, even with his runny eyeliner and hair that’s flat on one side and big on the other, he’s the most gorgeous person in the universe. Nikki cups Vince’s jaw and rubs his thumb over Vince’s cheekbone. Vince slowly scoots closer and presses his face against Nikki’s neck. Nikki cradles the back of Vince’s head and holds him close. Vince’s arm goes around him and his fingers softly scratch at Nikki’s back.

It’s good - it feels perfect to be with Vince like this. It’s not awkward or uncomfortable; they fit and it’s wonderful, peaceful, an elixir. Nikki stretches it a little longer, but then he feels selfish for keeping Vince here, in bed. 

“Do you want to get up, have some breakfast?” Nikki asks, softly.

Vince’s head moves. It’s shaking from side to side.

“No?” Nikki grins.

Vince burrows closer. And Nikki wants to have him close too. He rubs circles on Vince’s back. Vince pushes his foot between Nikki’s legs and catches Nikki’s calf between his ankles, pulling Nikki’s leg forward between his own. Nikki’s abdomen tightens with the beginnings of arousal. But it feels wrong to go there now. 

Vince hums and brushes his nose against Nikki’s skin. It stokes the fire and Nikki expends great efforts to stay cool. But then Vince starts to suck the sensitive spot under his ear and he groans. He grabs the back of Vince’s neck and tugs it back, slightly. “Hey,” he whispers.

Vince inches back and looks at him; his eyes are dark, his lips wet and inviting. Nikki makes a sound, like a sigh with a moan in it, and Vince’s lip quirks up. His hand moves over to Nikki’s front, goes into the waist of Nikki’s sweatpants.

“Uh - “ Nikki reaches down and grabs Vince’s wrist. He pulls it up and pushes it into the pillow next to Vince’s head, making him turn to his back. He wants to say that they should talk, before anything else. But the way Vince looks now, waiting, hopeful, lust in his eyes, Nikki doesn’t want to talk. 

He squeezes his eyes shut and counts to ten in his head. Or twenty. He has to get himself under control. 

When he opens his eyes, Vince looks worried. Nikki wants that worry gone, right away - he needs to stop whatever misconceptions might grow in Vince’s imagination.

“I care about you,” he says, again, and he lets go of Vince’s wrist to caress his face.

It takes some time, in which Nikki fears Vince will shrug him off and turn away; but then Vince puts his hand over Nikki’s and his features relax. He seems to understand.

~

“I want you to stay here.” 

Nikki thinks he appears calm, but he’s concerned about how this conversation could turn on a dime. Vince is drying dishes though, and Nikki’s blocking Vince’s possible escape route out of the kitchen - not purposefully, but it’s a perk of putting away the kitchenware that Vince has dried.

Vince doesn’t respond, but keeps handing him plates and glasses.

“Can we talk about that?” Nikki tries to gauge Vince’s mood. He seems calm enough, but it might be as fake as what Nikki’s projecting.

“Okay.” Vince nods. 

_Shit, okay._

“Would you _like_ to stay?” Nikki asks, tone careful. On the surface it would be reasonable to assume that Vince would. But Nikki has a feeling it’s not that straightforward.

Vince seems to also deliberate his words. “I need you to let me pay my way,” he says, firmly.

“But I don’t need it,” Nikki protests, wanting to wave it off. 

Vince looks at him, determined.

Nikki understands. “Okay. We can talk about that too.”

They finish up in the kitchen and Nikki opens a few beers for them to take into the living room - even though it’s a little early in the day, Nikki thinks they could use it. They sit down on opposite corners of the couch. It’s such a weird staging; normally, Vince is either on the rug, entertaining himself, or on the couch, entertaining Nikki. 

Vince peels at the label on his bottle. Nikki sees that he’s preparing to speak, so he waits. Gus jumps on the couch. He ignores Nikki and settles on the back of the couch near Vince, rubbing his cheek against Vince’s head. Vince inclines his head towards Gus. 

“I always thought I was allergic to cats,” Vince says softly.

Nikki wants to ask why, but he can guess. And he wants to let Vince choose what he shares and when.

“I had a cat, for awhile, when I was staying under a bridge. I had this little corner there, with a tarp, some cardboard boxes, and some old blankets. And one night, this cat just strolls in and makes himself at home on my blanket. I tried to shoo him, I was afraid I’d break out in hives, or my throat would close up or something, and I thought I could die because I didn’t know what I’d have to do, or how to get help. But he refused to be chased away.” Vince closes his eyes as Gus licks the hair at his forehead. 

Nikki bites his tongue waiting for Vince to continue. Meanwhile he drinks most of his bottle of beer.

“I figured out that I wasn’t allergic, obviously. And he kept coming back. He did his own thing a lot of the time, but he came by at night, to sleep by my side. I called him Jack. He was my buddy. And then one day he was gone, I never saw him again.” Vince clears his throat and frowns. Then he takes a drink from his beer. 

Nikki forces himself not to reach for Vince, pull him in, hug him tight. “I’m sorry,” he just says.

Vince nods.

“Were you alone, when you stayed there?” Nikki asks.

“No. Tom found me sleeping on a bench. And he warned me that the cops would send me away. And he took me to the bridge. He showed me around, too. Showed me where to get food, where to wash. He told me a million stories - he had an anecdote for every corner, every alleyway, every park. He had stories about old movie stars that he claimed he knew personally. I don’t know if any of it was true. But he took me under his wing when I didn’t know anything, and he made me laugh.” Vince’s mouth twitches and he presses his lips together.

Nikki realizes _that_ story probably doesn’t have a happy ending either.

Gus jumps in Vince’s lap; Nikki’s glad that he’s giving Vince so much love. Vince pets Gus and watches him curl against his hand. 

“Tom got sick. Lung cancer, he knew it, but he never got it looked at. He kept coughing up blood, and it got so bad that I wore him down and took him to an emergency room. Then he went to a VA hospital. And he never left - he died a month later.” 

“God. Vince…” Nikki wants to show Vince that he doesn’t have to talk anymore if he doesn’t want to. But also that he _can_ if he does. He’s itching to touch him, but he doesn’t want to take away Vince’s freedom by hugging him and making him feel like he shouldn’t go on.

Vince doesn’t hear him, or he ignores it. “After that, I went to other places. Met other people. Figured out ways to make a little cash here and there. Figured out that it was possible to find better places to sleep. And I kept my two worlds separate. My band doesn’t know, the girls I meet don’t know. I want to be seen for who I am, not what my situation is.”

“I would never have guessed, if Mick hadn’t clued me in,” Nikki says. “You seemed so carefree and happy.” He feels a pang in his chest. “But I think I wasn’t looking very closely.”

“No, but I wanted that,” Vince says quickly. “I _was_ happy, with you. I didn’t want you to look at me like I was some poor kid.” He pauses. “And now you do,” he murmurs.

“No,” Nikki shakes his head.

Vince looks at him. There’s hope in his eyes.

“I…” Nikki weighs his words carefully. “I think you’re incredible. I had a look into your other world and I feel horrible that you’ve had to live this way. But I’m so amazed at how you’ve managed it. Finding out, it just made me realize how little I knew about you, and I wanted to know you even more. And I understand your need for independence. I don’t want to take anything away from you. But I also can’t _not_ help you, when it’s so easy for me to do.”

Vince looks away. Nikki thinks maybe something he said went over wrong. “You can help me in the bar, cleaning, stocking. Those kinds of things. In exchange for cash, room and board.” He waits a beat. “You can have the spare bedroom.”

Vince is quiet. Nikki hopes he’s made it clear that he doesn’t expect Vince to do anything in return for what he’s offering - except some honest work, as Vince requested.

“You don’t want me now.” Vince concludes.

Nikki is surprised; he can’t believe that’s the takeaway from what he said, and it’s completely untrue. He scrambles to try and make it clear. “I want you to _feel safe_ here. I want you to have a _home_ here.”

Vince’s head is down; he’s overly focused on Gus.

“I _want_ you,” Nikki says it, he wants to say it, he needs Vince to know. Vince’s head shoots back up and he looks at him. “But I can’t do what we did, now. Knowing what I know. I feel… ashamed, when I think about it. Because I don’t know for certain that it was what you wanted.”

“But it _is,”_ Vince smiles and it’s everything Nikki wants to see, but he has to be strong now, too.

Vince nudges Gus, who plops down on the rug and starts cleaning himself, and he moves over to Nikki, clearly emboldened, and he straddles Nikki’s lap and wraps his arms around Nikki’s neck.

Nikki groans, frustrated that he now has to reject Vince again. He sets his palm against Vince’s chest and pushes back a little. “I know you don’t see it that way. But I want us to find a new balance first.”

Vince frowns.

“ _You_ want to pay your way. I understand that. And if we become… involved again, _I_ want to know that you feel you have a choice in what happens. I want us to be on equal footing.”

Vince contemplates this. Meanwhile he’s lightly tugging on Nikki’s hair, sending delightful sparks to Nikki’s nerve endings, and it’s nearly breaking his resolve. 

“Okay,” Vince says. “So it’s not ‘no’. It’s ‘not now’.”

Nikki nods.

Vince sighs. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” Nikki’s hand moves up to cup Vince’s neck, despite himself. 

“Yeah. I want you to know I choose this too.” Vince bites his bottom lip and there's something mischievous in his eyes. “I can wait.”

It sounds like a challenge. This is going to be difficult.

~

“Come to pick up your boy?” Lita grins, finishing up behind the counter. The bar’s already closed and it’s just her and Vince left. She’s moving her head to the beat of the song that’s playing - Nikki doesn’t know it, it’s probably something Vince picked out. 

Lita really likes Vince, same as everyone. Nikki’s sure Vince picks up friends everywhere, so he must be used to it; but Nikki knows it’s special, the way he just naturally fits into Nikki’s life. Like it’s not a problem that Vince is a guy. Or that he’s so young. 

Nikki sits down on a bar stool and drops his keys on the bar. “Tommy left?”

“Yep. He was annoying me. _And_ Vince.”

Nikki watches Vince mop the floor. He’s not half-assing it, he’s doing a good job, as he does with all the tasks Nikki gives him in the bar. It’s only been a month, but Nikki feels it’s going really well. He’s helped Vince pick out some things from thrift shops, some clothes, stuff to decorate his room, a record player, some other knick-knacks. Vince has made the room his own and sometimes he retreats there with some of Nikki’s albums and his headphones, and Nikki doesn’t see him all night. 

They do spend a lot of time together, talking, grocery shopping, cooking, working. But sometimes, Vince goes away for awhile, to see other people. It took some time for Nikki to stop worrying that he wouldn’t come back. And it amuses Vince, maybe endears him, to see Nikki’s relief when he comes back home, or comes into the bar to do his job, after being away for most of the day. 

Vince doesn’t seem to mind Nikki hovering a little bit. And Nikki doesn’t always really mind Vince teasing him. Vince still acts the way he did before, sometimes - when he was flirting with Nikki, trying to get his attention. When he’s lying on the rug listening to music. When they’re in the kitchen and he shimmies past Nikki, pushing his ass out and rubbing against him. Or getting out of the shower and walking to his room naked. It’s like he’s showing Nikki how ridiculous it is that he has this buffet within reach, but he chooses not to eat. But at the same time, Vince does appear to be happy that there is something more to them than sex. 

Vince looks up now and sees him. He smiles and wipes his forearm over his brow. “I’m almost done,” he says.

Nikki waves at him and smiles.

“You are so smitten,” Lita says softly, amused.

“Shut up.” Nikki puts his elbow on the bar and leans his cheek against his knuckles as he watches Vince.

When Vince is done, he goes to Nikki and he looks excited. “I have to tell you something,” he starts. He’s almost standing between Nikki’s legs. 

Nikki smiles at him, a little tired, but happy to listen.

“Remember I told you about Dave? I went to see him today. He’s starting a new band and he wants me to sing in it.” Vince is drumming his fingers against Nikki’s leg, looking at him expectantly.

“That’s awesome,” Nikki gets infected with Vince’s enthusiasm quickly. “Does he have the whole band together?”

“He has a drummer - I haven’t met him yet, and he still needs a bass player. And he showed me a bunch of songs he’s written, they’re amazing.”

“So you’re gonna do it?” 

“Yeah.” Then Vince’s face falls. “But I’ll have to tell James I’m quitting.”

“He’ll understand.” Nikki thinks Vince’s band has no plans to expand anyway. If Vince wasn’t so adamant, they wouldn’t even be playing.

“Yeah.” Vince seems a little mournful.

Nikki feels a wave of affection overtake him and he cups Vince’s cheek with his free hand, before he can stop himself. Vince leans into it. 

“Let’s go home,” Nikki says. It feels good to say it - it is _their_ home now.

“Okay.”

~

“You don’t always have to pick me up, you know,” Vince says as they get home. He kicks off his shoes. “I know my way around,” he chuckles.

Nikki locks up and takes off his coat and shoes. He doesn’t want to say that he worries when Vince has to go around town in the middle of the night, on his own. But he’ll stop if Vince wants him to stop. “Does it bother you?”

“Well, no. But I can see how tired you are. You shouldn’t have to go in on days you’re not working late.”

“It’s fine. And I like bringing you home.” Nikki smiles.

They have a beer on the couch, just the one, as they usually do when they get home late. Vince talks about his afternoon with Dave, and Nikki feels warm with his fondness for Vince, who is almost bouncing with excitement at embarking on this new venture.

There is a slight pang of jealousy, that Vince is doing something new with someone else, but it’s just because Vince is occupying Nikki’s heart so fully that he can’t bear to think of him leaving. And in his mind, he knows he doesn’t have to worry.

“You’re tired, I’m sorry,” Vince grins.

“No, tell me more.” Nikki puts his hand on Vince’s leg. He’s not ready to let him go yet.

Vince moves closer and rests his head on Nikki’s shoulder. “I think this could be awesome. But I want to think ahead too, you know. I don’t want it to end up going like with Rock Candy.”

Nikki puts his arm around Vince’s shoulder. “Maybe you should talk to Mick. He knows a lot of people, if he could help get the right people to hear you…”

“Yeah, you think? You think he’d do that?” Vince says, his tone hopeful.

“He may even know a good bass player.”

“ _I_ know a good bass player…” Vince chuckles. 

Nikki kisses the top of Vince’s head and brushes his nails over Vince’s arm. Vince shivers and cuddles closer, turning towards Nikki and throwing his arm over Nikki’s chest.

Nikki wraps his arms around Vince. There is no question about it - he’s crazy about this man. He can’t believe what he’s had to endure, and he’ll make sure it never happens again. He wants to kill Vince’s parents, for always making him feel like he has to do everything by himself. For dismissing his needs. For ignoring all the signs that he was dyslexic, for not supporting him when he got in trouble in school, and for kicking him out of the house when he got expelled. Leaving a 17 year old boy to fend for himself.

Vince only told him how he ended up on the streets once, after lots of alcohol. Nikki was very conscious of regulating his own emotions while listening to the story, as Vince got more and more quiet. The way he told it, it was clear Vince felt he’d made mistakes; so many, it eventually led to his parents throwing him out. Nikki tried to tell him that there was nothing he could have done that could warrant such a severe punishment. And he tries to tell him, or show him, in every way he can think of, that Vince is wonderful and deserves to be loved, that he’s valued by everyone who gets to know him, and that he’s doing all the right things to get back on track. He hopes this helps rebuild - or maybe _build_ \- his confidence. 

He tries not to dwell on what happened to Vince, tries not to bring it up and make him relive things; but sometimes, when he thinks about it, all he can do is hold Vince tight and keep him close. And he can tell that Vince really needs it. Then he remembers how they started out, and he wants to kick himself for not seeing that. Not _giving_ him that. But he hopes he makes up for it now.

“Nikki…” Vince sounds amused.

Nikki realizes he’s squeezing Vince to him, and he relaxes his grip. 

“I’m okay,” Vince says, rubbing his cheek against Nikki’s chest. 

Vince, reassuring _him._ It makes Nikki’s throat feel tight.

“You should get some sleep.” Vince gives him a last squeeze and leans back up. 

~

Nikki’s tossing and turning. It’s not that he’s not tired, but he can’t make his mind stop. He wants to be close to Vince, feel Vince’s skin against his own, breathe in his scent; but he worries that if he goes into his room, it sends a message he’s been so desperate to avoid. He’s _so_ tired, though. He looks at the alarm - it’s 7am, most people get up this time of day, get ready for work, go about their business.

He groans and sits up. Caring about consequences is _really_ difficult when you’re going crazy from lack of sleep. He gets up and goes to Vince’s room. He leans his forehead against the doorframe and puts his fist up - still debating whether to just go back to his room, or to knock on the door.

But then he knocks, softly. If Vince doesn’t hear him, he won’t knock again, he decides. And it’s quiet, for seconds that feel like centuries. 

“Nikki?” 

Nikki’s heart beats way too fast; he shouldn’t have done this. “Can I come in?” Apparently his mouth doesn’t care.

“Yeah,” Vince says, he sounds very awake now.

Nikki opens the door and lingers, like he’s an untrusting animal. Though in this case, he’s not sure he should trust _himself,_ his own motives, and what it could do to Vince.

Vince holds the covers up. It’s such a clear invitation that Nikki shoots forward and gets into the bed. It’s not as big as his own, but they don’t need the space. He lays his head on Vince’s naked chest and Vince cradles it to him. Nikki’s arm goes around Vince’s waist and he plays his fingers over Vince’s side. He listens to Vince’s heart and absorbs everything that’s Vince around him, as he feels himself get lulled into sleep.

~

Nikki comes into the club where Vince’s new band is going to be playing. He didn’t want to be overbearing or hovering, so he didn’t go in with Vince earlier. Tonight is important, because some people are coming to see the band. They’re moving fast, partly thanks to Mick. Of course, Mick had to hear them first, but when he approved, he introduced them to a manager he knows. Vince said that the guy was impressed with what they’d done in such a short time and he liked their demo. So he arranged for a label guy to come to the gig tonight. 

Nikki’s nervous. He _knows_ they’re good, but he’s still nervous. He assesses the situation - a coping mechanism - and things look positive. The club is small, but there’s a big crowd, probably partly a result of combining the best parts of two other bands into this new, highly buzzed combination. The guys are well-prepared, and Nikki knows they do well with the audience. And he knows Vince is a great frontman.

“You’re here, finally,” Mick says and hands him a beer.

“I didn’t want to get in the way,” Nikki says.

Mick raises his eyebrow, amused. Nikki chuckles, aware that it’s a little silly. 

“It’s adorable,” Mick mocks, seeing Nikki so nervous. But it’s all in good fun. 

“Man, this place is _packed!”_ Tommy slaps Nikki on his back.

“Why aren’t you at work?” Nikki frowns.

“Are you kidding, I wanna see your boy. Chris took my shift. Hey Mick, long time!” He gives Mick a hug.

“You’re still the same, I see.” Mick has a glint in his eye that betrays he’s happy to see Tommy too.

“You look like you’re gonna puke,” Tommy chuckles, ruffling Nikki’s hair.

Nikki bats his hand away and gives him a shove. “Shut up.”

The lights are dimming, and the volume of the regular music is turned down a little. He tunes out Mick and Tommy and focuses on what’s happening on the stage. He sees Vince, and the tingle in his belly intensifies. He’s dressed for the part, as always, but it’s in his own clothes now. Nikki remembers how proud he was of the second hand leather pants he found and how he loved to tease Nikki, wearing them and nothing else around the house, shimmying, crouching, bending in them, to _‘wear them in properly’._ Drive Nikki crazy, more like. But he looks amazing in them and the cropped top he wears.

Obviously, it’s not just about looks. And when the band starts to play, they sound tight, and Vince’s vocals fit perfectly. They play a few covers, but mostly their own material. More than a handful of people are singing along, already familiar with it, and Nikki feels proud of what they’ve achieved.

Nikki knows it’s all for show, but he feels possessive, seeing Vince flirt with girls. And when Vince leans forward and one of them kisses him, even though he pulls back immediately and laughs, Nikki knows he can’t continue doing what he’s been doing these past months. 

After the show, Nikki knows the band will have to talk with the people who came to watch; and though he’s anxious to find out how it all goes, he waits for Vince to come to him, after he’s done. 

“I think that went well,” Mick says.

“It was awesome,” Tommy agrees. He spent most of the show closer to the stage to cheer and infect others with his excitement. “They have some insane tunes.”

Nikki smiles as he looks at them. He had this same adventure with these two, for awhile. And it’s warming his heart to see their support now. “Thanks for coming, guys.”

Tommy hooks his arm around Nikki’s neck and smooches his cheek.

Vince comes to find him quicker than he expected, and he’s bouncing on his heels. 

Nikki gives him a hug. “You were amazing,” he says softly in his ear.

“Yeah?” Vince is smiling when he pulls back. “It felt great.”

“What did the label guy say?”

“He liked it. He liked the show too. We’re gonna go talk some more, it’s what I came to tell you.” Vince picks at Nikki’s belt loop.

“Okay,” Nikki nods. “You can get home?”

“I’ll be fine,” Vince grins at him, always so amused that Nikki’s concerned for his safety.

“Okay.” Nikki cups Vince’s neck briefly, just a tiny show of affection, then lets him go. He watches Vince go back and join the others. 

“Are we going to lose our most valued employee?” Tommy smiles.

“I think so.” Nikki grins and scratches the back of his neck.

~

“I’m home.”

Nikki wakes on the couch to Vince leaning over him, his hand on Nikki’s chest. 

“You were waiting for me?” Vince smiles.

Nikki sits up and cracks his neck. “How’d it go?”

“Really well.” Vince sits down next to him. “I mean, they talked about a lot of stuff, recording an album, maybe going on tour as a support act, getting us out there. It’s kind of unbelievable.” Vince looks stunned.

“I’m so happy for you,” Nikki says and smiles. He really is; Vince deserves everything. But apart from that, Nikki _wants_ him to have everything, because he loves him.

He looks at Vince, a little amazed. He loves him. Of course he does.

Vince chuckles. “All right, you should go to bed.” He pulls on Nikki’s hand, intending to get him up.

Nikki resists. 

Vince frowns, amused.

“You think I’m old.” Nikki puts on a pout.

“What?” Vince laughs. “Come on.” He tugs again.

But Nikki tugs back, until Vince has to straddle his lap. Vince wraps his arms around Nikki’s neck when Nikki leans forward and presses his forehead against Vince’s chest. “You’re always worried about me being tired. Next, you’ll be feeding me mushy food and pushing my wheelchair,” Nikki murmurs.

Vince laughs again.

“Wiping my ass.”

“Giving you baths…” Vince hums.

Nikki raises his head. He wants to say something, wants to ask. But there is so much riding on this. Vince looks beautiful, happy like an angelic little devil; there is love in his eyes. But still. The point was for Vince to have a choice, and there is a difference between friendship-love and love-love. 

Vince brushes Nikki’s hair back and looks at him earnestly. “You’re my man,” he says, matter of fact. “I’m just waiting for you.”

Nikki breathes deeply with relief and cups Vince’s head. He pulls him forward and kisses him.

Vince makes a small happy noise that Nikki hasn’t heard in _way_ too long. His soft lips part to let Nikki in and Nikki feels almost paralyzed with how much he wants this. But Vince picks up for him and moves his tongue in little licks along the edges of Nikki’s open mouth, and then inside, tangling with his own. Nikki feels like he might burst apart with all the emotions that need a way out; but instead, he makes a sound too, and he feels and hears Vince chuckle. 

Vince pulls back and presses his forehead to Nikki’s. He’s smiling. “So. Can we go to bed _now?”_

Nikki nods.


	9. Epilogue

Nikki waits for Vince in the backstage area. Dave helped him arrange the surprise, and informed one of the crew that Nikki would be coming, so he could take Nikki back while the band is still playing. Nikki watched them for awhile first, standing somewhat hidden. And the show is going great, the songs still feel fresh, and the guys look like they have a lot of fun on stage too.

Nikki looks around at all the junk scattered all over the place in the dressing room - booze, cigarettes, some pills, makeup, hairspray, clothes - it takes him back to his own brief time of playing gigs. They’d never gotten this far though. 

He feels both proud and anxious; proud for what Vince is doing and how successful they are, and anxious because he hasn’t seen Vince in two weeks and for them, that’s a long time. Vince has also been having some amazing new experiences, having gone on tour supporting several different bands now; and though he still calls Nikki every day to tell him all about it, there’s just a little bit of doubt within Nikki, about if he will continue to fit into this new life Vince has made for himself.

Nikki plays a little part, in this new life, apart from his role as boyfriend. He’s helping the band, in the songwriting, but also in giving some first or second opinion advice. It seems all his experience in his different ventures gives him a valuable perspective on how to go about some management issues, some business issues, things that the band has to deal with and where some people try to take advantage of them.

The other guys appreciate his special role and status, but a lot goes unsaid. It’s all implicit, in behavior, acknowledgement, attitude; they include him in their celebrations, and they also give him and Vince space to be alone.

Nikki hears that they’re done, and the crowd applauds, whistles and shouts. Vince is going to be high on adrenaline for hours. Nikki smiles, excited too. 

He goes to stand by the door and when Vince opens it, while talking over his shoulder to the other guys, Nikki covers Vince’s eyes with his hand and pulls him in, gets his arm around Vince’s shoulders and presses Vince’s back to him. 

Vince only startles for a second, then gets himself free to turn around. His eyes are huge and he smiles widely, while Dave closes the door to give them some privacy.

Nikki’s nervous - even though Vince’s face shows nothing but happiness. He still thinks he may be intruding on this adventure, or that Vince may prefer to, or _should_ use his time talking to people or promoting the band. He wonders if he should give Vince the option, tell him he’ll wait for him at the hotel. 

Vince wraps his arms around Nikki’s neck. “Baby…” he says, longingly, and he tugs Nikki down in order to kiss him.

A switch flips in Nikki’s head. Vince is his, and he should never doubt it. He pushes Vince against the wall and holds Vince’s arms over his head. Nikki kisses him and moves his hand up under Vince’s top. Vince sighs and makes his little happy noise.

It’s perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading 😌 This was a first for me, so I am a little sad to say goodbye, but I'm glad they are together ❤️


End file.
